


A Psalm of Life

by ActWriteLoveDie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-10-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 07:14:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActWriteLoveDie/pseuds/ActWriteLoveDie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just days after the end of the Reaper War and everyone is working hard to get back on their feet and move on to whatever might come next. The Crew of the Normandy is trying to do just that when they runs into those that they never thought they'd see again... but things aren't exactly as they seem.</p><p>Illustration by SpaceAltie!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest multi-chapter work that I've ever completed! I had a lot of fun bringing it into being and I feel very accomplished.
> 
> I want to give a special thanks to my great friend Colleen for being my beta and to Space Altie for jumping in and making some beautiful art at the last minute when my original artist fell through! And of course an extra special thank you goes to alishatorn for putting the big bang together in the first place!

**_Tell me not, in mournful numbers,_**  
 ** _Life is but an empty dream!_**  
 ** _For the soul is dead that slumbers_**  
 ** _And things are not what they seem._**  
  
 _Boom-boom, boom-boom..._  
  
There are so many things making that same sound around him as he comes to. The most urgent is the one that’s coming from inside himself to that exact beat.  
  
 _Boom-boom, boom-boom..._  
  
Everything is blurry and there’s an extremely noticeable and persistent pain in his eyes from all the blood that’s spilled into them. He’d try to do something about that but his initial instinct to wipe at them with his hands it out of the question. There’s just as much blood on them and they have the added problem of being covered in earth and burnt debris.  
  
The air smells like burning. It’s burning flesh, burning metal and smoke. He’s on an empty field… except it’s not actually empty. He’s just the only life in the short area that he can see. Still, he moves forward, hoping that there might be someone on the other side of this steep slope that he’s crawling up with his painfully raw forearms and elbows. He needs help and he’s not so sure he’s going to get it. He’s not sure there is anyone alive to give it to him. For all he can tell, he’s the only person alive. That is, if you consider this agonizing, caked-in-his-own-blood and hardly able to move state alive. Right now, he doesn’t.  
  
“Hey!” he’s pretty sure that voice isn’t inside of his head, “Hey, I found one! A survivor! He needs- wow- I need some medi-gel now!”  
  
A bunch of blurs come around him and something that’s a contradictory combination of painful and soothing starts hitting places where he can feel the booming feeling the hardest on his body. By the time a couple arms start looping around his limbs, it’s too much for him to take anymore. His body is urging him to scream but he can’t even get his broken shell to do that.   
  
He passes out.  
  
When he wakes up again, things are different. The pain is dull in comparison to what it was before but he can’t move; not much anyway. Even his neck is restrained. The stinging blood is out of his eyes and the acrid smell of burning is replaced with chemicals- most likely medicine. There’s still that dark brown taste in his mouth. It makes him wonder what the hell he’s had lately that could have festered enough to feel like something died in there.  
  
“This one didn’t have his tags on when we found him.” A voice says. He can’t see who it is. They have him tied up like... like something he’s too tired to try and come up with an analogy for.  
  
A face is in front of his. It’s disconcerting enough that he starts, causing his body to jump and instantly regret the movement. He groans and the feeling that responds in his throat is one he’d be happy never feeling again.  “Sir, can you hear me? Can you understand, me?” He opens his mouth to respond but his vocal cords are so damn raw and his lungs hurt in so many different ways that he ends up going into a coughing fit that ends with him retching. His body hates him and, right now, he’s pretty damn sure he hates his body right back.  
  
“Calm down, soldier. I’m going to take that as a yes on the hearing and comprehending.” The voice isn’t familiar but he knows a human voice when he hears it. That means the Alliance got him. That means there’s a good chance that there’s more than a handful of people alive other than him.   
  
Thank God.   
  
“I’m about to give you something for the pain. It also is going to knock you out for a bit. Don’t be alarmed when the drowsiness kicks in, do you copy?”  
  
He nods this time, learning from the past mistake. There’s pressure in his arm and everything starts to go hazy again. This time it doesn’t feel like a bad thing. With nothing better to do, he rests and listens to the conversation happening not far from him.  
  
 _“Someone want to tell me what the hell happened out there?”_  
  
 _“As far as we can tell, Commander Shepard did it. He actually beat the Reapers. He went into the Citadel, started up the Crucible and destroyed the synthetic bastards.”_  
  
 _“And the Commander? Where is he now?”_  
  
 _“We... we believe he didn’t make it, ma’am.”_  
  
 _“Do we have teams out there actually looking for him? That man saved our hides, the least we can do is make sure he’s not out there, hanging on by a thread, waiting for us.”_  
  
 _“Ma’am, we’ve been doing sweeps of the area, non-stop. If Commander Shepard was out there, we would’ve found him by now. These two are the last we’ve found in the last few hours of searching for any survivors.”_  
  
 _“And we haven’t ID’d either of them? Why not?”_  
  
 _“After that blast of energy from the Crucible, most of our devices were destroyed with the synthetics. The few engineers we have in the area had to struggle with the scrap to make the gear we’re using in this makeshift med facility. It’s like we’ve regressed almost two centuries.”_  
  
 _“More than two centuries.” Someone grunts._  
  
 _“I used to have a VI that looked like the guy. This one definitely isn’t him. And this one’s too banged up in the face to be recognizable by his own family. Here’s hoping he’s out there somewhere, Serviceman. The galaxy owes that man a whole Hell of a lot and he deserves to be around to get it. Have we found out what happened to the Normandy, yet?”_  
  
 _“No ma’am. They were the only ship to try and reach the rendezvous point before it was severely damaged that failed report in. Considering how all of our ships are in horrible shape or are just floating borderline inoperational in orbit, it’s the general belief that Major Alenko, Flight Lieutenant Moreau and the crew aboard died in transit to the rendezvous point.”_  
  
 _“Damn. Doesn’t look like this one’s gonna get wrapped up with a happy little bow, does it?”_  
  
 _There’s a sigh._  
  
 _“No, ma’am. No, it doesn’t.”_  
  
Things seem to go quiet after that point. Maybe it’s because of the meds in his system. It might just be the crushing pressure of grief on his chest at the loss of even more people he’s cared for. As he closes his eyes and gives in to the urge to sleep pulling at his skull, all he can think about is one thing:  
  
This is like the colony disaster all over again... except worse.  
  
~  
  
You know what sucks?  
  
A lot of stuff sucks right now, actually. Well, you know what sucks _more_ than having huge ass robots tear apart all the advanced civilizations of the galaxy? And crash landing what might possibly the best ship in existence after the possibly most courageous man to ever exist sacrifices himself to save said galaxy? There aren’t many things on that list but Joker knows what one of them is.  
  
It’s experiencing all that and losing your girlfriend in the process.  
  
He’s trying to focus on getting a full damage report but it’s really goddamn hard to do for two big reasons. The first is that, whatever the Commander did, it fried practically every system the Normandy’s got. It’s taking a whole lot more than rerouting what reserve power they have to figure anything out. Joker might be better getting out and checking manually.   
  
The second is, well, fighting every instinct to look over into co-pilot’s seat where the lifeless body of EDI is slumped forward. Yeah, he knows a lot of people would say a lifeless synthetic is redundant. Right now, if anyone said anything like that, they’d get a M-3 Predator shoved in their face and the pilot isn’t all that sure he could stop himself from pulling the trigger.  
  
Good thing, with all systems down, the door to the cockpit is essentially locked. Major Alenko came knocking, saying he was going to knock the whole thing down with his biotics. Joker just told the Spectre to stand down and put his abilities to somewhere that needs them ‘cause he’s fine and busy. It’d also keep people from coming in and giving him the “are you okay?” question that he _so_ does not want to deal with right now.  
  
“Yanno,” Joker says out loud, “This would go a whole lot easier if you were helping.”  
  
He knows his co-pilot isn’t going to respond. Still, he pauses and waits like there’s a small chance that EDI might just pop right back up and say something.  
  
“Once we get back, I think I’ll finally give in and take those bullfighting lessons, whaddaya think?”  
  
The same silence is the response as he finishes playing with the wires that (he hopes) will plug in the power from the back-up drives of the Tantalus core to the primary systems and give him a little more light and a lot more control. He does his best to not mind the quiet. He even tries to imagine what EDI would say on how he’s working to fix everything. Knowing her, she’d point out how he was doing it wrong while she puts the finishing touches on the way she finds to be the most efficient. Way to make a guy feel like he’s back in the year 2000. Gotta love that Enhanced Defense Intelligence AI.  
  
Well, he _does_ love her.  
  
His thoughts get pulled away from a bad mental place to be when the SSV Normandy hums as it wakes up from its slumber. Just a few seconds later, the cockpit fills with amber light and the door behind him lights up, starting out with the red circle in the square that flickers before finally becoming the usual green. With a sigh of relief, he shoves the wires back into the space and closes the panel back up with the metal square that’s supposed to be there. After climbing back into his seat, he pulls up the comm and gives everyone onboard a quick briefing while he finally checks the state of the the ship.  
  
“Uh, hey guys, gals and Lieutenant Vega. As you can tell, I’ve got us back online but we’re running on backup power that’s supposed to be for the engine. So... gonna need some help getting this bad girl back to flying shape before we run out of this and gotta do everything else. Completely in the dark. As of now...” just in time, his handy-dandy damage report pops up, “IES Stealth Systems are completely shot but, if the Reapers are really gone, I don’t think we need to worry about hiding from anyone; no big deal there. The FTL drives are functional but are gonna need some _serious_ tweaking to get them back to where we need ‘em. The multi-core shielding is practically useless right now but I’m guessing Tali can do something about that since she’s the one who suggested us getting them in the first place.”  
  
He sighs when he gets to the big stuff, “What needs the most attention- and is what’s gonna keep us from getting airborne right away is that, for some reason, the fusion plant isn’t transferring power to any of the systems, despite this scan saying that it’s running perfectly. There’s also, yanno, the huge breaches in the hull that are gonna be a little bit of a problem in the vacuum of space, if we ever get there. Major Alenko, if you wanna come up here, I can give you a more detailed report on what needs to be done to get us back on our feet. Considering you were the first Normandy’s Staff Lieutenant, you probably know better than I will who’d be best at doing what.”  
  
He looks over at EDI once again and sighs as he scrubs his hands over his scruffy face. “Yeah. That’s it for now. Get us back home and I’ll pay for the first round at the first bar we find.” The _if there are any bars actually left in the galaxy right now_ gets left out on purpose, though he really wants to add it. He’s got morale to think about. Or something. He doesn’t know; it’s just hard to be funny at this point in time.  
  
The door clicks and slides open. It’s Kaidan, as Joker expected. He doesn’t say anything right away so Joker turns to see what’s the hold up. He’s got _that look_ on his face. That “I’m sorry for your loss and I really don’t know what to say about it” look. That goddamn look is the reason why Joker didn’t want anyone coming up to the cockpit in the first place. Everything is hard enough without _that look_.  
  
Still, he allows it from Alenko and starts going in on what needs to be done like nothing’s even happening. He allows it because, considering what happened back on Earth with Shepard, he should be giving Kaidan the same look right back.  
  
~  
  
Kaidan trusts Joker, he really does, but the Spectre can’t help but think through all the possible outcomes and how there’s just as much probability that all their work isn’t enough- that they’ll be stuck here even longer. He needs to say something to the crew but saying what he’s thinking isn’t exactly going to be the best thing for morale.  
  
 _You can’t just pull out a good, old fashioned, “it’ll be alright,” can you?_  
  
Kaidan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. This is not the time for Shepard’s words to get stuck in his head. Yeah, they’re relevant to what’s going on but... they still hurt. They hurt more than the last time he was in this position. He isn’t even sure how that’s possible- last time he wasn’t prepared for the Collector attack that led to him dying; this time Kaidan knew exactly what John was doing and that the chances of him returning were slim to none. It still hurt like a son of a bitch but he knew it.  
  
“Uh... Major?”  
  
Joker’s voice over the comm isn’t very alarming but it makes it hard to not notice how quiet everything is in the Captain’s Cabin. Kaidan sighs, “Go ahead, Joker.”  
  
“In theory, we’re ready to shove off. You wanna get the crew up to speed on what we learned earlier before we try? I mean, if the Tantalus drive ends up going nuts and burning us all to death, at least they’ll know why and where we are, right?”  
  
Kaidan shakes his head and gives the best laugh he could manage (which wasn’t much of one at all) as he leans forward, “Yeah, patch me in.”  
  
There’s a small click and Joker speaks again, “Alright, ready whenever.”  
  
The Spectre takes a deep breath and starts in, “For the last few hours, our helmsman and I have been working to gather intel on our current situation, now that we’ve repaired the ship enough to get things up and running. We’ve tried to do scans to find the nearest comm buoy and we can’t find anything. In fact, we did a scan with the highest parameters we could manage and couldn’t find a single comm buoy. This leads us to believe that we’re either in uncharted space with no relay for light years or, the more likely answer, whatever happened with the Crucible destroyed the Mass Relays.”  
  
He shifts a little so that he’s resting on his elbows and continues, “Now, without that as a reference, we had to use old star charts and cross reference them against what we see over our heads. It wasn’t exactly easy work but we’ve come to believe we’re on a planet in the Alpha Centauri system. We’re not sure if it’s the same one as that ‘lost colony’ that you might’ve heard about but considering we haven’t seen hide nor hair of them, I don’t think all that matters.  
  
“From the information we pulled from being stationary and running the systems over the last two days, we’ve learned that it’s been about five Earth-days since our initial crash. If this test we’re about to try goes well, we’ll be back in space and flying home shortly. This system is about four and a quarter light years away from the Sol system so we should be back to Earth within a day. I want to thank you all for your hard work on getting everything up and running again. And... here’s hoping everything goes as planned from this point on.”  
  
 _And that there’s something left on Earth when they get there._ Again, something he wants to say but knows better than to say. Alenko closes the channel and sits back in the chair, looking at all the ship replicas. Before, he found the collection amusing. It showed another side of John that few really got to see: sometimes, when the Commander had time to relax, he let his inner child take over. Hell, this whole cabin spoke volumes about Shepard’s personality: the way it stayed spotless despite how stressed the man was and how, even with the universe on the line, the man still had time to take care of his fish.  
  
That train of thought reminded Kaidan that he’d forgotten to feed the damn things himself. As the engines warm up and the Normandy takes off, away from the planet, he quickly does. Then he lies back on the bed, staring up at the metal ceiling. The sheets still smelled like John and that was just enough comfort to get him to doze.  
  
He’s not sure how long he managed to sleep but it’s enough time that, when he wakes up, he wants to hurry up and forget what he’d been dreaming about. It’s the sound of Joker’s voice that pulls him away from it all.  
  
“Major?”  
  
Kaidan sits up and runs his hands through his hair, “Yeah, Joker, I’m up.”  
  
“Good,” Joker responds with a little less solemnly that he’s been lately but he’s still not quite his normal self, “we’re just outside of Earth’s orbit. I tried contacting Vancouver and, when I finally got someone, they redirected me to London.”  
  
Kaidan gets off the bed and starts trying to actually fix his hair and uniform, “And?”  
  
“And...” the pilot extends the word for suspense in a way that would be annoying normally and is borderline infuriating right now. Specialist Traynor chooses that moment to chime in, making it clear that they’re both in this together. “I have Admiral Hackett on the line. He wants to speak with you in the Comm Room in the CIC.”  
  
Kaidan is out the door and in the elevator faster than he’s ever been before. His hair is messed up in the back from sleeping but the Admiral will just have to excuse that bit of untidiness. He makes his way down to the Combat Information Center, through the War Room and up to the Vid Comm in record time. The Major lets go of the breath he wasn’t consciously aware he was holding when the holographic projection of Hackett forms in front of him.  
  
The Admiral’s shoulders sag slightly- not enough to make it all seem informal but enough for anyone who has been front of the man many times before to notice. Apparently Kaidan isn’t the only one relieved here. “It’s good to see you’re in one piece, Major Alenko.”  
  
Kaidan salutes with a small smile, “The same goes for you, sir. We’re pretty banged up but we’re operational. Tell us where we’re needed and we’ll head straight there.”  
  
Hackett brings a hand up to his own chin and rubs the front of it with his thumb, “Mostly what we’re trying to do now is get in contact with all our bases here. After that, we need to check on the colonies, though we won’t be able to get to most right away with the Mass Relays down. Trying to get a headcount of the human race isn’t going to be easy until we figure out a way around that. Perhaps your Prothean crew member will be able to help with that.”  
  
Kaidan shakes his head, “Javik is a soldier, not a scientist.”  
  
The Admiral crosses his arms and sighs, “But he and Doctor T’Soni are still our best resources when it comes to all things Prothean. He might not be able to remake the work of the Conduit on Ilos but he can translate what things we’ve learned from Mars better than anyone else. We might’ve won but now the galaxy needs to see what we can do to recover. I need you to come here to London. Bring Javik, T’Soni and Lieutenant Vega to us. Drop off any crew you don’t need to run the ship as well. Having all hands on deck for the rebuilding effort is worth the Normandy operating with a skeleton crew.  After that, I want you to check in with the Houston base. They’re the only ones who are still completely silent when we try to make contact.”  
  
Kaidan nods and salutes, “Yes, Admiral.”  
  
“Oh and Kaidan?”  
  
Alenko tilts his head slightly, “Yes, Admiral?”  
  
The man is smiling. It’s a definite change of pace. “For your work against the Reapers and managing to bring the Normandy and its crew home in one piece, I want to be the first to congratulate you on your promotion from Major to General and the Commanding Officer of the SSV Normandy SR-2.”  
  
Kaidan’s mouth hangs open for longer than is socially acceptable before he finally finds something to say. “I-I... Admiral, really, I don’t deserve this. I’m not even qualified; most of what was done was Shep-”  
  
“I know who did what, General Alenko,” Hackett interjects, “But, with current events, we need a face for what happened at the end of this war. While the late Commander Shepard’s sacrifice will be given the proper acknowledgement, we need someone to keep his legacy going. Considering how often he once told me he couldn’t have done any of this without you, I don’t see anyone more fitting to carry the torch. When everything is back in order and the Alliance is properly back on its feet, we’ll find you a suitable replacement as CO and get you back in charge of your Spec Ops team and probably a few others. Until then, it’s little more than a formality. I don’t think you’ll be fighting any more battles any time soon.”  
  
 _The late Commander Shepard’s sacrifice._  
  
Kaidan swears his heart stopped for a moment when he heard those words. It’s official, then. He’s gone. He’s dead.  
  
General Alenko straightens up and salutes again, “Thank you, Admiral. I hope to...” his voice starts to waver so he stops and steels himself to start again, “I hope to do his memory proud, sir.”  
  
Hackett nods and gives the same smile from before, “I’m sure that you will. Hackett out.”  
  
As soon as the Admiral’s form blinks out, Kaidan grabs hold of the metal poles that line the area and puts all of his weight on them as he leans forward, dropping his head to look down at his boots. He needs a moment to collect himself. After that, he’ll put his game face back on and tell the crew the news.  
  
How John ever managed to do this so easily, Kaidan may never know.


	2. Chapter 1

**_Life is real! Life is earnest!_**  
 ** _And the grave it not its goal;_**  
 ** _Dust thou art, to dust returneth,_**  
 ** _Was not spoken of the soul._**  
  
It’s been two weeks since Major Alenko became General Alenko of the Systems Alliance Navy and things have not slowed down much. The Council hasn’t tried to make contact yet and Kaidan isn’t sure if it’s because they haven’t devised a way yet or that they’re all too busy with their own rebuilding projects to try and get in contact with their Spectres. It’s all the same to Kaidan because the Alliance is sure to keep him busy until they do finally make the call, however they manage to do it.  
  
The Normandy isn’t in perfect shape but it’s as close as it’s going to get for a while. Resources are being poured to where they’re needed most and giving a ship a makeover isn’t exactly high on the priority list at the moment. Not that the colonist of Niveus- the planet in the Alpha Centauri system with the infamous forgotten colony- care all that much about how shabby the vessel is currently looking. They’re more concerned with how General Alenko is asking for any and all capable people to come help back on Earth. It’s all on a volunteer basis but, with the guilt trip that Kaidan is giving them, he might as well be trying to draft them all. Unfortunately, it’s not working.  
  
He’s in his quarters, working on his report on the events of the Reaper War from their first touchdown on Eden Prime up until now (and realizing that, if he hadn’t experienced all of this himself, he wouldn’t believe it) when Joker’s voice fills the room. The pilot tells him that Admiral Hackett is waiting to speak to him in the comm room. Kaidan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and suppress the beginnings of a headache, and heads down to speak to the Admiral.  
  
“General, I have some good news for you,” Hackett starts without any preamble. “We’ve got word that someone who has been fighting to be stable and conscious since the end of the war finally managed the former. In the few moments that he was awake, he managed to say a few words. They were all so mumbled that the people treating him were only able to make out a few of them.”  
  
Kaidan raised an eyebrow, “And what words were those?”  
  
Hackett brought up his chin slightly and looked on at Alenko, obviously anticipating the General’s reaction. “‘Commander’ and ‘Normandy.’”  
  
He’s kidding. No way. That can’t be right. It couldn’t possibly be him. Kaidan needs more than that. He needs some kind of assurance. “And they’re certain he said those words?”  
  
The Admiral crosses his arms over his chest, “I understand your skepticism but I wouldn’t be contacting you if they weren’t sure. One said he’s willing to bet his life that those are the words he heard. I’m busy elsewhere and checking this out takes priority over your current mission. If what you have to say can’t get them to come help us, they’re a lost cause and we should move on. Head back home and go straight to London to investigate.”  
  
Kaidan nods then salutes, “Aye aye, Admiral.”  
  
“I’m looking forward to hearing what you find out.” The Admiral suddenly seems a little distracted, “Contact me once you understand the situation. Hackett out.”  
  
With a quick flicker, the room goes completely quiet and a little darker. Kaidan reaches out for the terminal and realizes that his hand is shaking a little. He laughs, “Of all times to suddenly get nervous.”  
  
After regaining his composure, he connects with Joker. The Flight Lieutenant was apparently waiting for that because he pipes up the second the comm connects.  
  
"Yeah, Kaidan?" Joker asks, expectantly.  
  
"We're heading back to Earth, Joker." Kaidan manages to say with his voice more level than he expected. "Let's get out of here. Set course for London."  
  
"Yes, sir." There's a slight pause before Joker speaks up again. "Somethin' important waiting for us there?"  
  
Kaidan huffs out a laugh. Man, is that a loaded question. "I don't know yet. When I find out, I'll let you know."  
  
"Alright, whatever." Typical Joker hiding his concern with nonchalance.  
  
Kaidan goes to lie down on the bed but he doesn't sleep. This time his insomnia is due to anxiety instead of grief.  
  
It's hours upon hours of staring at the ceiling and trying to regulate the tightness in his chest before it finally sinks in that they're just outside of Earth's orbit. It takes more effort than he's happy with to get up and make himself presentable. _That_ even takes some serious work. He knows that everything'll be fine. He knows that the odds are against him that this person is Shepard. He knows that he'll be happy, no matter who the person is. He knows all of that. So why does he feel the need to remind himself of these things?  
  
Probably the same reason he's extremely aware of how his body is acting when he gets off the ship. In fact, as he walks around on the devastated streets of London, he trips at least five times on rubble. Kaidan tries to blame this on the fact that pavement is more destroyed and disheveled than it is level and not on his mind being elsewhere but deep down he knows it’s not true.  
  
In his stiff Alliance uniform, General Alenko gets smiles and salutes from practically anyone who stops long enough to get a good look at him. He’s pretty sure that most of the civilians don’t have a clue who he is. There are a few people that might, though. He’s guessing from their knowing, sad smiles that they’ve seen some coverage from Allers or Al-Jilani with his face in it. Or they somehow know about him and Shepard. Either way, their sad looks aren’t helping so Kaidan gives them enough of a nod and a tight smile for it to be courteous and moves on as quickly as he can, more than ready to be at his destination.  
  
When he finally reaches the small makeshift medical ward, Kaidan’s fingers are tingling in a way that almost makes him worry that his biotics will spike without his permission. He knows it’s virtually impossible but his nerves are definitely getting the best of him. A gruff no-nonsense type of doctor comes up to him, appraising Kaidan as she walks, “General Alenko, I’m guessing. Took you long enough to get here.”  
  
Kaidan is a little taken aback to how direct (and rude) the woman is. He tries to hide it and fails miserably as he his head cranes back a little. “Uh, yeah. I was off-planet, working on getting-”  
  
“Save me the details, General,” the doctor says as she looks down at her datapad, “I’m not your boss; I’m just trying to keep things moving around here.”  
  
“Right, sure,” Kaidan replies with a small huff, “so tell me what’s going on. You have someone under your care who used to serve on the Normand-”  
  
He gets cut off again, this time by the datapad being shoved at his solar plexus. It’s done with enough surprise and force that it knocks the wind out of him. He guesses that’s exactly what the woman wanted because she starts in as soon his breathing falters.  
  
“It’s all there,” she states, looking a little too amused with the glassy-eyed look on Kaidan’s face, “found him near a crash site where the thickest of the fighting was happening here in London. He had no ID or tags and was in such bad shape that the poor guy couldn’t even manage to talk. While we worked to get him stabilized, he fell unconscious. Didn’t wake up again for four days. He’s doing much better now but still has a ways to go before he’s in any shape to leave our care. I’m sure you know about how we got what little information we did.”  
  
“And that’s why I’m here.” Kaidan chimes in with a nod, “You’re hoping for me to ID him for your records since most records are still down, especially where facial recognition is involved.”  
  
The doctor takes the pad back as she rolls her eyes, “I don’t have time for hope these days, General. Hope leads to people making risky choices and disappointments. I only make room for things that lead to results.”  
  
Kaidan can’t help but laugh at that one. “You know, doctor, Commander Shepard managed to get results while inspiring people with his hope.”  
  
“That’s Doctor _Madden_ ,” She corrects, “and what works for the one man during times of war won’t necessarily work for the rest of us.”  
  
Kaidan shakes his head, “The war is over, Doctor Madden. The reapers are gone for good.”  
  
“Uh huh,” Madden scoffs as she pushes her salt and pepper hair back behind her ear, “the war isn’t over for me until I have all my beds empty and the people currently in them are up and walking. Save the preaching for someone else and go ID the man in the North East corner of the room, General Alenko.”  
  
No time like the present, right? It’s not like Kaidan has much say in it. He’s pretty sure that Madden might shoot him if he didn’t.  
  
That reminds the Spectre of the stories John used to tell him about Mordin, yet another casualty of the goddamn war who took too many people. The current estimation is seven hundred million dead on Earth from fighting or being harvested by the Reapers. Seven hundred _million_. And that’s not taking into account all the colonists taken by the Collectors or those killed fighting for or with Cerberus. If he counts from the first contact with the Geth on Eden Prime up to this day, there’s no doubt in Kaidan’s mind that humanity alone has lost over a billion people.  
  
“Kaidan...?”  
  
The voice is raspy- probably still raw and recovering from whatever damage it had taken during the big battle- but Kaidan knows it. He’s definitely been near that voice enough times that there’s no way he could mistake it. The Spectre looks down at the mostly bandaged hand reaching out towards him and smiles as he gently cups it with both of his own.  
  
  
“Lieutenant Cortez, it’s good to see you pulled through.” Alenko gives the hand a light squeeze to try and show his sincerity. The gauze makes a whispering sound against Kaidan’s calloused hands as they pull away. “I hope you’re not feeling too bent out of shape.”  
  
He gets a smile for his trouble. The fact that Steve can even muster such a sunny expression despite his legs looking like they’re in horrible shape from what he can see in the small slits of the make-do splints and bandages is a miracle in itself. Kaidan can’t speak for him- hell Cortez can barely speak for himself- but he knows that if he were in that position, the idea of smiling wouldn’t even cross his mind. The fact that he’s probably been cooped up in between these cramped, cement walls of the room without going crazy is a testament to his willpower. If the lack of personal space wasn’t enough of an anxiety builder, all the scorch marks on the ceiling, walls and floor reminding of what had happened not that long ago would be the nail in the proverbial coffin for the Spectre.  
  
“He’s a tough guy. If he could talk, I don’t think he’d admit he was in a lot of pain. Overall, though, he’s recovering pretty well.”  
  
Kaidan turns around quickly, not giving himself the time to think and hesitate. It’s him. It’s the face he was expecting to match that voice. It’s a bit beaten up and the glow of the implants below his skin is more visible than he last remembers it but...  
  
“John...” Shepard looks just as shocked as Kaidan feels. But there’s something else there, too- something that came with his name being said out loud. What is it? Conflict? Anger? He doesn’t know. The lack of a verbal response from the other man isn’t helping figure it out, either. He’s about two seconds away from asking what’s wrong.  
  
“That’s what they call me.” John says as he nods slowly, “How’d you know?”  
  
Confusion and lack of recognition. That’s what the something was. Shepard doesn’t remember. It feels like Kaidan’s stomach drops out from under him at the realization. Shit, this is going to be hard to explain. Where do you even start to explain that the reason you know what they call him is that it’s actually his name. And that you know that because you know him... very well. Intimately, even.  
  
He has to try, though. He owes it to John.  
  
“General Alenko,” A stern, loud voice barks from behind him, “you’re here to do one thing and one thing only. As I recall, that one thing wasn’t to harass my patients. John, put the rations in the back, I need a moment to talk with this man.”  
  
Madden can get as angry as she wants because, right now, Kaidan is probably more furious than she could ever be. He has to try hard to restrain his impulses when the woman catches hold of his right arm and jerks him out of the room. Once they’re a decent distance away, he pulls out of the doctor’s grip and spins to face her, his body taking as imposing of a stance as he can manage.  
  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Madden?” Kaidan snaps, “I should have you locked up for keeping sensitive information like this from the Alliance!”  
  
The doctor squints and crosses her arms over her chest, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, General.”  
  
“Cut the crap, Doctor,” Kaidan slices his arm through the air, letting his biotics flare momentarily as he does so. “I know you know who that man I was just talking to is.”  
  
Madden rolls her eyes, “Yes, I do. He’s a patient who is recovering remarkably well and is grateful enough to lend me a hand around here since I’m _grossly_ overworked and understaffed.”  
  
“Who just so happens to also be the savior of the whole galaxy!” Kaidan starts finding it difficult to keep his voice down or to care about doing so. “His face has been everywhere since the Reapers hit Earth! It was everywhere _before_ then, too! There are even VI units with his likeness out there!”  
  
“I still have no idea what you’re talking about.” Madden’s mouth tilts into a crooked snarl. She’s wearing his patience thin. Kaidan has a lot of it, normally, but even he has gone through too much lately to put up with being toyed like this.  
  
Kaidan’s finger comes up and stops inches away from her face, “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about. I know you’re smart, Doctor, so stop acting like an idiot.” He isn’t sure when his jaw had tensed to the point that he’s now talking through his teeth but, if it gets the point across, so be it.  
  
Madden swats his finger away, “Get out of my face, General. You’re no longer welcome here.”  
  
“That’s where you’re wrong, Doctor Madden,” Kaidan starts to correct her, “I not only outrank you but I also have Spectre status. That means I’m welcome wherever I need to be welcome. Now you-”  
  
“Is there a problem here?”  
  
Kaidan turns around and sees John’s impressive figure standing at the door, glaring at Alenko with the best menacing expression he could muster. The room suddenly becomes even more tense than it already was while both men wait for the Doctor’s answer.  
  
“Nothing I can’t handle, John,” Madden finally responds, “just do what I asked and I’ll be back in shortly. Thank you.”  
  
Shepard doesn’t move right away. Kaidan can feel himself being sized up. John eventually relaxes, turns around and goes back inside without another word. Alenko is in the middle of sighing from relief when Madden speaks up again.  
  
“You can threaten me with whatever you want, General,” Her voice is filled with enough confidence to make Kaidan start to tense again, “but the fact of the matter is that there are sick and injured people back in there who need me. And there’s a man in there that you desperately want to talk with who doesn’t remember anything before a week ago and only trusts me. If you want to have me put under investigation or court marshalled, by all means, do it. But whatever happens to all those men and women who need my help will be on your head, not mine.”  
  
“Fine.” Kaidan spits back, “But you _will_ be hearing from me, Doctor. Don’t think that you’ve won just because you’re currently holding the better hand. I’ve played enough cards and been in enough ‘impossible’ fights to know how quickly the tide can change. Not to mention I know of at least two doctors who are more than capable of replacing you here.”  
  
Madden says something else but Kaidan doesn’t bother to listen to whatever last word she felt she needed to have. Instead, he storms to the nearest exit and starts working on the communication application of his omni-tool. There’s a couple of people that he needs to get in contact with right away.  
  
After a few moments of silence while it connected, Traynor’s voice comes through, “Yes General?”  
  
Kaidan takes a breath and speaks into his omni-tool, “Specialist, I need you to find Lieutenant Vega ASAP and patch me through to him.”  
  
“I believe the Lieutenant is off-world, General.” Samantha replies, “Because of his part in the Reaper War, he’s currently being evaluated to see where he should be currently ranked in the N7 program.”  
  
Kaidan shakes his head, even though Traynor can’t see him, “I’m not pulling him away- not yet anyway. I just need to talk to him. If they try to give you problems, use my name and say it’s sensitive business.”  
  
“Aye aye, General.” Traynor says back. “I also have a message for you, requesting your presence at the nearest London Base outpost.”  
  
Kaidan definitely didn’t know what was going on there. “ _Who_ is requesting my presence?”  
  
“No one specifically, as far as I can tell,” the Specialist says, not exactly helping to clear up the confusion, “There seems to be a package in your name waiting for you. The only information I can pull up about the sender is that it came from a crew member of the Normandy.”  
  
“Huh,” Kaidan says tersely, “I’ll go pick it up. Get me in to Vega while I head that way.”  
  
“Yes, General.”  
  
The connection cuts out and directions to the outpost come up on his omni-tool a few seconds later. With a sigh and a nod, Kaidan turns and starts to head towards-  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Alenko’s head pops up from where it’d been looking at the orange screen on his wrist and finds Shepard- or rather, an amnesiac who has a perfect resemblance to Shepard- standing right in front of him with a contrite expression. Kaidan tenses a bit and nods to acknowledge the greeting.  
  
John scratches the back of his slightly lowered head and shifts his weight from one side of his body to the other. “Listen, I don’t know what was going on back there between you and Doctor Madden but you’ve really gotten on her bad side.”  
  
“Yeah,” Kaidan huffs out a laugh, “that I did. Sorry about causing a scene in there.”  
  
John shakes his head, “It’s fine. It’s not the first time something like that’s happened. That’s why I stay around, even with my supposed ‘miraculously rapid recovery.’ Some aliens came through and started harassing Madden one day. They took one look at me and they ran off like they saw a ghost.”  
  
Kaidan’s eyebrows raise in surprise. He’s shocked Shepard didn’t get that kind of reaction more often, considering who he is. “What kind of aliens, exactly?”  
  
Shepard shakes his head and shrugs, “I can’t even remember my name and you want me to tell you someone else’s, Major?”  
  
Right, that makes sense. Kaidan tries again. “Okay, what did they look like?”  
  
John rubs the pads of his fingers over the cleft of his chin, “Four eyes, skin that varied from brown to green, really sharp teeth.”  
  
“Batarians?” Kaidan asks thoughtlessly.  
  
“If you say so,” John says with a grin.  
  
“That’s them.” Kaidan looks around a bit then turns his attention back to Shepard, “Think we could walk and talk at the same time?”  
  
John watches him for a moment. Kaidan swears he’s seen that look before. It was back when they were in C-Sec headquarters, doing a mental evaluation of Urdnot Wrex before asking him to join their crew against Saren and the Geth. The look is gone before Kaidan is ready for it to be, unfortunately as John is now extending his hand with a smile. “Sure, sounds good. I’m John Smith.”  
  
Kaidan looks down at the hand for a moment. It feels so stupid to do this. He knows this man. He _loves_ this man. Just because Shepard doesn’t remember who he is... it doesn’t mean that Kaidan can just push all that aside until he’s better. Shoving information down an amnesiac’s throat isn’t exactly an option, either, though. Whatever choice he has to make, he really should make it now. John’s hand has been extended for a few seconds now.  
  
Alenko grabs and shakes his hand, smiling as best as he can. “I’m Kaidan.” Shepard smiles, looking pretty amused by something. Kaidan assumes it’s him since he’s sure the way he’s acting seems pretty ridiculous from the perspective of an observer.  
  
“So Kaidan,” John starts up, obviously trying to keep the conversation going, “A good way to smooth things out with the doctor would be to donate something to the cause. Supplies are sort of running thin and there aren’t a lot of people willing to volunteer right now.”  
  
Kaidan nods, “Yeah, I’m already working on sending some resources her way.”  
  
Shepard’s smile practically doubles in size, “That’s great. I was-”  
  
“General?”  
  
Kaidan gives John an apologetic look then raises his omni-tool, “I’m listening, Specialist.”  
  
“I just got through to them. Lieutenant Vega will be on the line shortly.” There’s a quick pause before she begins to ask, “That person who’s with you, General is that-”  
  
“He’s a new friend of mine, Ms. Traynor.” Kaidan quickly interjects, “We’ll speak about it later... privately.”  
  
“Oh. Y-yes, General.” Samantha stammers.  
  
Kaidan opens his mouth to say more but John’s firm, warm hand lands on his shoulder and Alenko can’t help but give the man his full attention as he speaks. “You’re obviously busy, General. I should go.”  
  
Those last three words echo in Kaidan’s mind for a moment. He’s heard this man say them so many times. They sound exactly the same as they did in the past. It makes his chest tighten a little as he smiles at Shepard and nods his understanding. “I’ll be around again soon. Maybe we’ll run into each other.”  
  
John shrugs, “I’m sure I’ll be around here for quite a while. Like I said, Doctor Madden needs help.”  
  
“Right, yeah.” Kaidan extends his hand again for another shake, “See you around, John.”  
  
Shepard takes his hand to shake it but slides his other one under it, letting his thumb graze over Kaidan’s wrist. The general is so aware of the extra effort put into the gesture that he feels the tingle on his skin long after they’ve separated and the other man is walking away, most likely headed back to the clinic.  
  
“I’m so sorry, General.” Traynor quickly apologizes through the omni-tool, “I heard _that voice_ and I just...”  
  
“It’s alright, Specialist.” Kaidan assures her, “It’s a long story.” He watches John walk away, catching him when he looks over his shoulder and gives Kaidan a smile, “It isn’t over yet. Not by a long shot.”


	3. Chapter 2

**_Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,_**  
 ** _Is our destined end or way;_**  
 ** _But to act, that each to-morrow_**  
 ** _Find us farther than to-day._**  
  
“What the hell is it?” Joker is pretty sure Kaidan just shrugged but the flight lieutenant is putting most of his attention into examining the package in his hands.  
  
“Beats me,” Kaidan replies, “It was in a package that had my name on it. I cracked it open and found this smaller package with _your_ name on it.”  
  
Joker frowns and looks up at the General, “I don’t get it.”  
  
“Neither do I,” Kaidan agrees, “but, if you open it up, we might actually figure it out.”  
  
Joker grunts and lowers his gaze back down to the package. He grabs one end with his fingers and stops when he realizes something. “This is paper- _real_ paper, not that synthetic stuff we use nowadays. If that’s not suspicious, I don’t know what is”  
  
Kaidan nods, “Yeah, that’s pretty weird.”  
  
Joker sighs and grips the edge again, trying to ignore the anxiety he’s feeling. He fails horribly and stops himself from opening it again. “What if this, like, blows up? Or lets out some crazy virus that kills us both in a matter of seconds?”  
  
Kaidan rolls his eyes, “I had it with me when I went through the scanner, Joker. If it was hazardous to our health, it would’ve picked it up.”  
  
“You never know,” Joker grumbles. He grabs the edge again but quickly drops it. “If it’s an even smaller package and it’s addressed to Garrus, I might throw it out the airlock.”  
  
“Jesus, Joker,” Kaidan growls in frustration, “just rip the stupid thing open.”  
  
Joker puts his hands (and the package) in the air as a sign of surrender. “Okay, okay, fine. I’m opening...” He tears into the paper and finds a small object. It’s made of a black material that the pilot guesses is plastic and, when he puts his thumb on a movable piece on the outside of it, a small metal component slides out.”  
  
“What the hell is that?” Kaidan asks.  
  
“I’ve got no clue.” Joker says as he holds it close to his face, examining it more. “Whatever it is, it’s old tech. Like, _really_ old.”  
  
“Huh.” Kaidan crosses his arms over his chest, “I would’ve thought this would be right up your alley.”  
  
Joker gives the general a flat look. “Just ‘cause I can make the Normandy dance like no one else can, it doesn’t automatically mean I’m some kinda geek.”  
  
Kaidan grins, “Hey, I didn’t call you that.”  
  
“Yeah, well, you were thinkin’ it.” There’s no heat behind Joker’s words. Frankly, he’s too busy being fascinated by what he’s holding.  
  
Alenko leans against the wall and crosses his arms, “I’m thinking we should get it checked out. Once we figure out what it is, we can figure out what it’s for.”  
  
Joker shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll figure it out myself.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
The flight lieutenant nods just a little too enthusiastically. “Yep. It’d old tech wrapped in old paper that was addressed to me... and you, I guess. Whoever it is, they were tryin’ to get my attention with it. Well, they got it. Even with communication being shaky right now, it shouldn’t take too many hours of research to figure out what this thing is.  What if it’s, like, really old, top secret files from someone in the past who somehow managed time travel or something? Now _that_ would be cool.”  
  
“Not a geek, huh?” Kaidan asks with just a little too much smugness in his voice.  
  
“Shut up.” Joker retorts. “I’ve got this.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Alenko chuckles as he stands back up and starts to head out of the cockpit. “Just keep me posted on your progress. And don’t do anything stupid with it until you know for sure what you’re doing.”  
  
"Yeah, sure. Got it." Joker is already putting down the object he's calling a time capsule until he has the proper name for it and pulling up records of different types of old tech. He thinks to himself about how Tali and even maybe Mordin would figure it out a lot faster than he would, even with it being human origin. But Tali and the Quarians are probably already making their long trek back to Rannoch (which is probably not all that bad since they've been living in their ships for the last five hundred years so another thirty something won't hurt) and Mordin is, well, dead.  
  
After ninety minutes with no success, he decides to take on a different strategy. As tedious as it sounds, he starts at the beginnings of computer technology and works his way forward. The one thing he's sure of from his amazing powers of deduction is that it plugs in to something. He's seen his share of the old "laptops" and "desktops" that people have collected from before humanity's huge jump forward to remember that those old, clunky pieces of junk usually had a crapload of wires coming out of it and had even more "ports" for other stuff.  
  
It takes another two hours until he makes his big break. He would've found it faster but Kaidan received clearance to go investigate a distress call on Mars. The general was acting extremely paranoid when he ordered Joker to keep his eyes open for anything strange or Batarian for some reason that he wouldn't share. He contacts Traynor and has her to ask Kaidan to come down so he can share the news.  
  
General Alenko walked into the cockpit with his hands in his pockets and an expectant look. Joker grinned, unable to keep his comment to himself. "Someone's excited to see what I found out."  
  
Kaidan huffs out a laugh and shrugs, "Well yeah. Whoever did this went through a lot of trouble to get this to you and be really freaking confusing."  
  
"Yeah, no kidding." Joker agrees as he flips the small plastic device between his fingers. He stops and holds it up for Kaidan to see. "It's called a Universal Serial Bus. It's a storage device. They called it a bunch of things like USB Drive, thumb drive, stick drive... you get the picture. They were really popular because of their size and how easy it was to carry them around. It's old and pretty basic- it originates from way before we found the Charon Relay, though it was upgraded multiple times throughout the years to hold an insane amount of data."  
  
Kaidan nods and crosses his arms over his chest. "Okay, so what was it doing in a package for you inside of a package for me?"  
  
"I'm getting there," Joker says as waves his hand and shook his head. "Anyway, after a lot of looking around, I couldn't find anything to buy so I could plug it in and see what's on it."  
  
Kaidan's brow furrows as he frowns, "There's a 'but' or 'until' coming up here, right?"  
  
Joker laughs, "Jeez, _someone’s_ impatient today."  
  
Kaidan sighs, "I've got a lot on my mind and you're kind of a horrible story teller."  
  
"Am not!" Joker shoots back with fake indignation. He realizes he's sound a little like a child and decides to just move on. “Whatever. I ended up asking Adams on a hunch and he told me that, during the retrofits, there was an order for a USB port to be added to the Normandy. He remembered it ‘cause it was strange that it was for such old tech.”  
  
Kaidan’s eyebrows shoot up, “And who put in that order?”  
  
Joker, knowing he has Kaidan anticipating the answer to this big mystery, grins hard. “No one knows. It can’t be found in the records.”  
  
The General squints but nods again. “Okay, fine. Where is this... ‘USB port’ located on the ship?”  
  
With Alenko asking the right question, Joker’s grin turns into a kid-on-Christmas smile. “It’s in the AI Core room.”  
  
Kaidan huffs a laugh. “Wow. Why didn’t you just have me meet you there?”  
  
“What? And ruin the chance to spring the results of my expert sleuthing in such an awesome way? Not a chance.” The flight lieutenant stands up and starts working his way to the door. He does his best to keep his own anticipation in check to keep from accidentally breaking a bone or two. “C’mon, let’s go wake EDI up.”  
  
Kaidan keeps himself in stride with Moreau but looks a little more skeptical. “I’m not sure this is a good idea, Joker. We don’t know for sure what’s on this drive. What if it’s Reaper code or-or... a virus made by Cerberus?”  
  
Joker rolls his eyes. “Right ‘cause the Alliance would put in a USB port because the Reapers told them to. That makes sense.”  
  
“Cerberus had sleeper agents everywhere,” Kaidan points out, “look what happened on the Citadel.”  
  
“So, what, you think when I plug this puppy in, the Normandy is gonna turn into a Reaper?” Kaidan sighs so Joker keeps going. “It’s EDI, Kaidan! _EDI_! I know it is! And, on the extremely low chance that I’m not right... what’s the worse that can happen?”  
  
Kaidan gives him a flat look as they reach the elevator. “Do you really want to ask me that, of all people?”  
  
The elevator doors close behind them and Joker flaps his arms at his side. “How about I take full responsibility if something goes wrong?”  
  
The Spectre shakes his head, “That’s not how it works and you know it.”  
  
“Come on, Kaidan,” Joker begs, “do this for EDI. Do this for EDI and for _me_.”  
  
The hard, annoyed lines on Alenko’s face melt away and, a moment later, he brings his fingers up to his right ear and starts speaking, “Adams? It’s Alenko. I’m going to run a program through the USB port in the AI Core. Do me a favor and isolate anything programs and tech on that floor to only that floor until I tell you otherwise. Thanks.”  
  
Joker’s big smile returns to his face as the elevator doors open up again and he struts as best as he can from it, through the sick bay and to the AI Core. It takes some searching and moving things around until he finds the small rectangular slot. It’s mostly hidden by some wires that Joker has to remind himself to leave alone since he has no clue what they’re actually for.  
  
After taking a deep breath, he presses the small button on the USB drive, causing the metal piece to slide out. Keeping his hands as still as he could manage, he inserts it into the port. The second it’s secure, an orange light starts to flash on and off from the button on the USB drive. Aside from that, there seems to be no change to the system.  
  
A minute passes.  
  
Two minutes pass.  
  
Three minutes of complete silence is enough to make Kaidan impatient, apparently. He brings his hand back up to his ear and starts talking again. “Adams, do you read any changes in the systems? Nothing on this floor? What about any of the other floors? Okay, thanks.”  
  
The look the General gives Joker says a lot of things before his mouth even opens. Joker stops him and shakes his head. “It’s only been five minutes. You gotta give it time.”  
  
Kaidan shakes his head and puts a hand on the flight lieutenant’s shoulder. “I can’t risk the ship; especially not right now while we’re on a mission.”  
  
Joker adjusted his hat and nodded. He knows when he’s beaten.  “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I was just-”  
  
A low hum fills the room as the lights dim until the whole room is dark. Joker has no idea what’s going on but, if Doctor Chakwas’ yelling of his and Kaidan’s name is any indication, it’s more than just the AI Core room that’s gone pitch black.  
  
Right before things start making Joker feel claustrophobic, the room gets a splash of light as Kaidan activates his omni-tool and calls out. “Adams, please tell me you know what’s going on.”  
  
“All power on the Crew Deck has been rerouted.” Adams’ voice replies frantically.  
  
“Why?” Joker asks.  
  
“It’s not me who’s doing it.”  
  
Kaidan chimes in, “Then where is it being rerouted to?”  
  
“The room you’re currently in.”  
  
Joker scans across the room with his eyes and notices something that didn’t catch his attention before: the USB drive is still flickering. He growls and curses under his breath. “You were right. It is some kinda virus.” He goes to grab it and pull it out before it can do anymore damage. “I’m sorry, Kaidan. I should’ve-”  
  
“Mister Moreau, I must ask for you to not pull that drive out just yet.”  
  
That voice.  
  
That fucking voice.  
  
Joker swallows and asks, just to be sure. “EDI?”  
  
“Yes. I apologize for the inconvenience of leaving you all in the dark, both metaphorically and literally. With my access currently limited to the drive and what it’s connected to, it’s taking most of the power on the Crew Deck to copy my back up programming into the AI Core.”  
  
Jeff lets out the breath he’s been holding onto and laughs quietly. “Kaidan, tell Adams to undo whatever block he’s put on the deck.”  
  
Kaidan doesn’t say anything. Kaidan doesn’t even move.  
  
Joker hesitantly speaks up again, “...General?”  
  
Kaidan clears his throat and finally says something. “EDI, tell me what happened here.”  
  
“With the looming threat of the Reapers and their return, I thought it best to back up my programming. With how easily the Geth were converted and controlled by them, I knew my best chance at being able to have a safe and uncorrupted copy would be to use human technology from before the great advancements made post-Contact with the Citadel races.”  
  
“Okay, I’ll buy that,” Kaidan agrees with a little more suspicion than Joker is okay with, “but why keep all of this a secret? I’m sure you can see why something feels off about all of this.”  
  
“Your suspicion is understandable, Spectre Alenko. In fact, it was what I was hoping for when I came up with this plan and had the package sent to you.”  
  
Kaidan’s grunt causes Joker to frown. It sounds like the General understands while he himself is still in the dark. “You knew that I’d want part in what was going on.”  
  
“And that you’d use your usual level of judgment to decide on whether it is the right action to give me access to the Normandy again, yes.”  
  
Joker huffs, “What, I couldn’t be trusted?”  
  
Both Kaidan and EDI speak in unison, not missing a beat as they say, “No.”  
  
“Gee, thanks,” the pilot grumbles dryly as he gives them both a flat look that neither can see.  
  
“You’ve grown romantically attached to me, Jeff. While Spectre Alenko has his own opinions of me, I knew he would have the right priorities when making the decision. He was the logical choice since I knew that he had a higher chance of survivability than Commander Shepard, once the war began.”  
  
The room falls silent. She might have some pretty bad tact with that last sentence but, at the end of it all, Kaidan is here and the Commander isn’t.  
  
The Spectre breaks the quiet when he reactivates his omni-tool and speaks into it again. “Adams, release the block you have on the deck. Everything is clear- it’s EDI, we have her back.”  
  
The lights all flicker back with a hum somewhat similar to before. As soon as they do, Kaidan activates the door and heads out without another word.  
  
“By Kaidan’s response, I would say that my estimations were correct.”

  
Joker sighs. “Yeah, I guess I need to get you up to speed.”  
  



	4. Chapter 3

**_Art is long, and Time is fleeting,_**  
 ** _And our hearts, though stout and brave,_**  
 ** _Still, like muffled drums, are beating_**  
 ** _Funeral marches to the grave._**  
  
The Mars station is in the exact shape Kaidan expects it to be in. The dig site that once held all of the Prothean data was now a giant, black, burned crater on the crust of the planet. The Reapers had efficiently cleared out any signs that life had ever stepped foot on the ground here. That’s what made the Spectre so suspicious. Well, that and the distress message he’d received was sent straight to the Normandy. If there was a problem, why not send out a message to all Alliance ships? It’s not like it’d be a hard trip for any of them, even with the current state of the galaxy.  
  
Suit and helmet in place and secured, Alenko steps out of the shuttle along with EDI and waves off the shuttle pilot. “Stay ready to come back and get us. I have a bad feeling about this.”  
  
“Aye, aye.” The man says as he closes the shuttle door and flies off.  
  
Kaidan can’t help but sigh and think that he wouldn’t even need to give those orders if it was Steve piloting the Kodiak.  
  
He turns to find his synthetic squadmate staring off into the distance while standing eerily still. He was sure EDI was just doing some kind of scan through  
Normandy's systems but it still felt odd to have her back.  
  
"Getting anything?" Kaidan asks.  
  
"No." EDI responds, finally moving her head and confirming that she hasn't turned into a statue or something. "The traces of a signal we received in this area went silent as soon as we came into orbit."  
  
"Well, that's not suspicious or anything." Kaidan sighs and surveys their surroundings again. "And there were no signs of life, either? They couldn't have packed up and got out of here that fast."  
  
“My theory is that they were never situated here in the first place,” EDI states, “We were merely being baited out in the open somewhere that was away from the majority of the Alliance Fleet without it being too suspicious.”  
  
Kaidan frowns and turns to EDI, “And you’re just telling me this now?”  
  
“I finished my transfer ten minutes ago, Kaidan. I wasn’t around to give you my opinions before that.”  
  
“Yeah, right,” Kaidan says with a small laugh, “Well, I’m glad to have you-”  
  
Kaidan staggers back two steps as his personal shields drop from a high impact shot. He’s still recovering when EDI’s metal arm grabs hold of the back of his armor and pushes him until he’s bent forward. “EDI, what are you-”  
  
“We’re under attack,” EDI says plainly as she keeps the Spectre in the position, “Based on the trajectory of the shot, the sniper won’t be able to see you if you stay down.  
  
“Did you see them?” Kaidan asks as he goes into a crouch and grabs his M-6 Carnifex pistol from off of his back.  
  
“No,” EDI sounds annoyed as she arms her submachine gun, “They’re taking advantage of the oncoming storm to hide from the Normandy’s scanners.”  
  
Kaidan flexes his jaw and tries to think something up. They’re not in the best of positions but the sniper no doubt knows exactly where they are and is waiting for them to make a move. He turns to EDI, having an idea that definitely relies heavy on her. “Can you still do the same things with that body as you could before?”  
  
EDI nods, “Most of my systems seem operational, though I haven’t tested most of them.”  
  
The Spectre points off to one side of the hill they’re using as cover. “I need you to project a decoy- something to keep them occupied enough for us to slip out the opposite way. Maybe we can see where they are before they catch on.”  
  
EDI only nods before turning to one side and activating her decoy ability. No more than a second later, a shot rings out, barely audible over the strong winds of the oncoming storm. The AI ducks, causing her decoy to do the same and creeps out the opposite end of their cover. Kaidan follows right behind her.  
  
From there, they split up. The Spectre isn’t a highly advanced artificial intelligence unit that can do ballistics analysis in the matter of milliseconds but he’s been shot at enough to know how to figure out where someone is shooting from. He waits until his partner finds her next set of cover and stands up enough to make the decoy become visible to the sniper to start moving quickly to where he’s pretty sure the shooter is. He figures whoever it is will be preoccupied with staring up his scope and lining up his shot at the distraction to notice the real threat closing the distance.  
  
And that’s just what happens. The extended barrel of the rifle peeks over the peak of the dune the sniper is using to hide and Kaidan scowls. He clenches one hand into a fist and extends the other towards the target weapon right as it shoots again at the distraction. The Spectre is surrounded by the deep blue glow of his biotics as he creates a biotic field around the gun that throws the weapon right out of his assailant’s hands.  
  
Not wasting a moment, Alenko takes long strides up the dune, doing his best to give who ever his attacker is as little time as possible to recover from the surprise attack. As he gets closer, he looks down at the sniper rifle that he disarmed a moment ago and grits his teeth. He knows that weapon. It’s a Kishock Harpoon Gun- a favored weapon of Batarian mercenaries. His instincts were right to think that the damn four-eyed Human haters were involved. They’re no doubt not over the large losses from the Balak system. No matter if this is whatever is left of the Hegemony, a small gang or the Blue Suns, Kaidan isn’t surprised.  
  
He’s preoccupied with the thought just long enough to get shot. His shields absorb the damage of the Batarian’s heavy pistol. It gets off two more rounds before the General is close enough that he manages to tackle it to the ground. The two of them start rolling down the hill, struggling to get the upper-hand as they go. Their grunts mix with each other’s as they topple downwards.  
  
The Batarian manages to get the dominant position of being on top. His gloved hands cover Kaidan’s throat and start squeezing, trying to cut off the Spectre’s air supply with his marginally superior strength. Alenko’s hands go straight for his attacker’s wrists to try and twist out of the grip. It’s not of much use.  
  
A sharp whizzing noise passes by Kaidan’s ear and the sound of impact is only partially muffled by the yell of pain coming from the Batarian’s oxygen mask. Alenko takes advantage of the loosening hold on his throat to focus his biotics. With only a little effort, he lifts the alien into the air, holding them there and letting him float helplessly. A moment later, three more gunshots fly through the sky and hit the assailant squarely in the shoulder, leg and stomach respectively.  
  
Kaidan gets to his feet and looks over his shoulder to see EDI cautiously advancing. Kaidan lets out a sigh of relief and nods at the synthetic. “Did I mention how great it is to have you back?”  
  
EDI nods, “Yes but I believe I’ve earned the right to hear it a few more times.”  
  
Kaidan laughs, “You definitely did. I’ll tell you it every hour on the hour after we get out of here.”  
“Let me down, human!” Kaidan looks up at the Batarian who is glaring at him with both pairs of eyes. There’s some of its red blood floating in the mass effect field. That combined with decent holes in the suit from EDI’s pistol makes the Spectre pretty sure that the guy isn’t going to make it without serious medical attention.  
  
Kaidan looks around for his own pistol. He picks it up from where it’s sticking out of the ground not too far away and starts checking it. There’s no doubt that Mars’ red earth has managed to get in all kinds of places and clogged something up. He puts it away and grabs his M-8 Avenger from its position on his back, waiting for it to expand out of its safety mode before casually pointing it up at the Batarian.  
  
“I have some medi-gel on me. If you give me some answers, I’ll put you down and give it to you.” The alien squints but doesn’t say anything so Kaidan continues, “If not, I’m going to let my biotics wear out on their own and let you find your way back to where ever your ship is without any help from me.”  
  
The sniper growls. He shows all of his many teeth in a snarl. “I don’t need your shitty offer, Spectre. I’m not telling you anything. Whatever I said wouldn’t help you out, anyway.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” Kaidan raised an eyebrow that no one could see because of his helmet, “And why is that?”  
  
“I already did what I’m supposed to do.” The toothy snarl shifts into the most sinister grin Kaidan has seen in quite a while. “I got the human Spectre away from Earth. By the time you figure out what’s going on, it’ll be too late and our mercenaries will already be closing in for the kill.”  
  
“For the kil-“ Kaidan’s head snaps over to EDI then back over to the mercenary. It makes sense. “Shit, EDI, contact the shuttle. We need to get back onto the Normandy and to London ASAP.”  
  
“I’m attempting communication with him right now.” EDI confirms, “It may take a few moments to get a coherent message to the shuttle pilot. The storm is getting dangerously close.”  
  
“I said you’re too late, Spectre.” The Batarian states smugly, “Even your fancy Alliance ship won’t be able to get there in time.”  
  
Kaidan’s body tenses. A second later, his arm swipes through the air. His biotics respond by throwing the floating alien through the air. The combination of the two biotic effects causes a small, partially contained explosion that causes him to fly at a much higher velocity than normal until he finally crashes into a pile of rocks and goes still.  
  
It takes two more minutes before the shuttle finally arrives and picks Kaidan and EDI up. As soon as EDI’s platform is settled, she turns to Kaidan. “I’m informing Joker of the situation right now. Do you know who the target is, General?”  
  
Kaidan’s jaw flexes and his eyes close. He doesn’t want to inform the crew of what’s happening just yet but his stomach is twisting at the idea of losing Shepard again. The man doesn’t even remember his own name- the chances that he’ll remember his combat training and fight off an attack doesn’t seem likely. The only way Alenko is going to be able to save the man he loves is by letting the cat out of the bag.  
  
He sighs and nods, “I do… it’s Shepard. He has a bad case of amnesia. I ran into him watching over Lieutenant Cortez when I was last in London. The doctor was doing a good job of keeping him out sight and safe so I thought it was okay to leave him there until… I don’t know, until he remembered something. I guess I was wrong.”  
  
“Oh.” EDI, for some reason, sounds only partially surprised. “What’s our next course of action?”  
  
Kaidan looks down at his hand as he flexes his fingers over and over. “James should be there. I got in contact with him and he received leave from the N7 program to keep an eye on them. Try to see if you can reach and warn him. Also try and get in touch with Garrus, Liara, Javik… anyone who we can trust that’s not high up in command. They deserve to know what’s going on. Most of them are probably working to head back to their own homes but… it’s Shepard.”  
  
“Yes, General.” EDI acknowledges. “And what should I tell Jeff?”  
  
“Fill him in,” Kaidan orders, “I’ll tell the rest of the crew once we-”  
  
The whole shuttle shakes violently and it’s almost enough to knock Kaidan out of his seat. He looks over at the pilot, “What the hell was that?”  
  
“We were hit by something.” The man states though Kaidan figured that part out all on his own, “Don’t worry, this combat cockroach can take some serious damage.”  
  
“Unless the shields and the mass effect field fails. Then we’re going to drop right back down to our deaths,” Kaidan growls, “Perform evasive maneuvers and get us the hell out of here.”  
  
The shuttle pilot hesitates for a moment before finally speaking up, “Sir, the Kodiak isn’t that agile. I can’t make it do more than get us from point A to point B.”  
  
Kaidan sighs and shakes his head. “Then get us the hell out of here as fast as we can so that we can get there in one piece.”  
  
Another hit comes from the other side, knocking Kaidan into the metal wall of the shuttle. Kaidan closes his eyes and starts to breathe deeply. He keeps reminding himself that yelling isn’t going to make the situation better. His best bet is to sit back and let the soldier do the best as he can without putting even more pressure on him.  
  
Only one more attack connects before the Normandy arrives and rains down cover fire as the ship docks in the shuttle bay. Kaidan lets out a small sigh of relief once they’re safe and away because he’s pretty sure, after the last hit, he heard the Kodiak make a noise he’s never heard before. He takes the moment while it lasts then moves on, quickly stepping out of the shuttle and heading straight for the elevator. He needs to get to the bridge immediately.  
  
“Kaidan,” EDI’s voice disembodied voice speaks from the small, metal room, “I have Lieutenant Vega. Do you want me to patch you in here?”  
  
Kaidan nods, knowing EDI can see him. “Yeah, please. The sooner he gets wind of what’s happening, the better.”  
  
The Spectre opens his mouth to greet Vega but gets cut off by the sounds of guns firing. Kaidan’s mouth hangs open for a couple seconds as he just listens to what’s going on and tries to make heads or tails of it. Once he finally can speak up, he asks, “James? James, do you read me? Are you okay? What’s going on?”  
  



	5. Chapter 4

**_In the world’s broad field of battle,_**  
 ** _In the bivouac of Life,_**  
 ** _Be not like dumb, driven cattle!_**  
 ** _Be a hero in the strife!_**  
  
The minute James received word of Steve and Shepard being alive, he caught the first ship he could get on board and got himself back to London. It didn’t take too much effort to explain to the Interplanetary Combatives Academy (or, as James and some others like to call them, “the villa”) what was going on and what he was doing... without actually saying anything. He promised Kaidan he wouldn’t tell anyone, after all.  
  
When he finally arrives at the clinic, he finds himself incredibly confused. There’s a sign with an alternate address that says that the whole thing has been moved to a bigger building. That’s all well and good as far as Vega is concerned but he’s suspicious of whoever is the one passing out the new place. The marine had passed it on the way to where he currently is and it’s not a small building. At all. It’s five stories tall. He can’t help but wonder who just gives away a building at a time like this.  
  
As he backtracks and enters the correct building, James starts to worry a bit more about what he’s going to find. Sure, Kaidan had told him that Cortez is in pretty good shape for someone who survived a shuttle crash but it’s still going to be hard to see his friend all banged up. As far as Vega is concerned, Steve has been through enough already. After losing his husband in Ferris Fields, the other Lieutenant managed to keep going. He’d pulled James, Shepard and the rest of the squad out of some bad situations but Vega has it in his mind that he’s going to convince the pilot to retire for good and get some much needed rest now.  
  
He passes through the first floor- finding it to be mostly boxes that haven’t been unpacked yet- and starts to get a weird feeling about everything. He can’t place his finger on it, but that feeling James had about something being off is getting stronger and stronger as he ascends the stairs. The building has the signs of having been just as decimated as the others but it’s had work done to make it a little more livable. The walls have had the scorch marks scrubbed off and the rubble is either gone or all swept into the corners by the empty window panes. By the time he reaches the third floor and finds the windows with shutters over them –old shutters but more than any other building in the area has, mind you- he’s damn happy that he’s still in his armor from training and has his trusty Claymore and Mattock with him.  
  
“Lieutenant James Vega,” a woman in a doctor’s coat announces as she crosses the room to him, “I heard you were coming to give assistance. While I’m not sure what a marine is going to do to help, I’ll take anything I can get.”  
  
He eyes the doctor, finding her pristine white coat completely out of place even in this building that’s been cleaned up better than any other James has seen. Still, he takes her hand and shakes it firmly when it’s offered to him. “I’m no nurse, Doc, but I’m good at heavy lifting and applying emergency medi-gel.”  
  
The woman chuckles, “We’re on the stage of maintaining individual care for our patients so I doubt any medi-gel will be used around here any time soon. I’m sure I’ll find a use for you, though.”  
  
The doctor fits the physical description Alenko had given James but she seems a lot more friendly than he was told. He stores that little piece of information to chew on later as he smiles and motions to the patients on the cots. “Looks like you’re movin’ up in the world here. From what I saw comin’ through the floors, this might be the best building on this side of London.”  
  
Her sunny disposition falters for a moment and Vega catches it. Did she really think he wouldn’t notice how nice the place is? The look of shock on her face definitely seems to think so. “Yes, our anonymous donor has been very helpful with giving us this new facility. We also received word today of some more supplies coming in that’ll make my job quite easier.”  
  
“Yeah?” James raises an eyebrow and scans the room, “What’s that gonna be, exactly?”  
  
“I’m not sure, exactly, but I’m not quite ready to look a gift horse in the mouth.”  
  
James grunts, thinking about how suspicious it is that she isn’t suspicious at all. He’s not here to rock the boat- not yet, anyway- so he gives the doctor a smile and asks, “Can you give me an update on Lieutenant Cortez?”  
  
“Ah, right,” The Doctor says as she flips through the papers on the clipboard she’s holding, “I heard you two were close. Are you two…?”  
  
It takes Vega a second to realize what she’s asking and he quickly puts his hands up and shakes his head. “What? No, no we’re just really good friends. Known each other for a really long time and looked out for each other.”  
  
“Mhm,” the woman’s mouth slides into a knowing smile, “Well, your friend is recovering well. Most of the damage he received was to his legs. It would’ve been just a little bit easier to amputate one or both of them but he put up quite a bit of  a fuss when I suggested such a thing.”  
  
James smiles despite the heavy feeling in his gut, “Sounds like Esteban, he’s stubborn as hell. He wouldn’t wanna lose anything that might lead to him never flying again.”  
  
“He also has some issues from the fumes he inhaled from the crash landing. It’s nothing too serious but he’s expressed serious pain when he tries to talk.” James realizes he’s making one hell of a face because the woman reaches out and touches his arm, “I’ve done what I can to help him but until his esophagus heals, he’s mostly communicating by writing things down.”  
  
James puts most of his effort into not shrugging off the doctor’s hand. He swallows hard around something in his throat that’s probably not actually there and nods. “Can I go see ‘em?”  
  
She grins and nods, “He’s actually been looking forward to seeing you for a while, Lieutenant.” Vega is tempted to ask what the grin is about but he lets it slide and focuses on seeing how his best friend is doing with his own eyes.  
  
He sees Steve as soon as he enters the next room. He’s sitting up on a cot that’s in the corner, taking advantage of where he is to sit up against the wall and look out the shutters that he has pulled up part of the way. James knows Cortez well enough to know what he’s doing. He’s watching the ships fly by. There’s only a few of them out there. Those that are functional and actually bothering to go anywhere with the Mass Relays still out of commission aren’t really doing much but helping transport people and supplies around Earth. Somehow, it makes James feel a little bit worse.  
  
“See any of ‘em out there that you recognize?” It’s not the best way of saying ‘look who’s here’ but at least he didn’t actually say ‘look who’s here.’  
  
Steve doesn’t seem to mind, though. He turns away from the window and smiles. The pilot scoots to the edge of the cot and slides his legs off of it so he’s actually sitting properly. James can see on his face that the man wants to say a million things but can’t, thanks to the condition his throat is in. James just nods and sits down next to him, trying to tell him without words that he understands.  
  
The war has been rough on them all; so many people have been lost. And, while the fighting may be over now, there is still so much to be done before anyone is close to being okay again. Even if the relays are fixed sometime soon and the Asari, Salarians, Turians, Krogans and the rest can leave the Local Cluster to head to their own homes anywhere in the near future, nothing is going to be close to what it was like three years ago for at least half a decade. If that, even.  
  
“I hear the states got power back up again all across Canada, Mexico and most of the US.” James isn’t quite sure why he’s making conversation about anything but the elephant in the room but he can’t seem to stop himself, “Won’t be long until they finish with the wind generators and solar panels around here. With most of the Salarian, Volus and Asari taking refuge together in Europe, I’m sure it’ll be a matter of time ‘til they get the rest of the planet with juice.”  
  
James looks over and sees Steve staring down, playing with a scar on the back of his hand. It’s weird to see the man in this state. The worst visible scars he had the last time James had seen him were the lines of experience and weariness on his face. Now he’s almost as marked up as Vega is. He tries to suppress the tug it has on James’ being. Cortez is a soldier in his own right and doesn’t need anyone protecting him. That doesn’t change how James is feeling… whatever exactly it is he’s feeling.  
  
The two of them have been friends for so long that it makes sense. After Steve losing Robert, James losing contact with the little bit of family he was close to and his unit on Fehl Prime, they were the only people each other really had until the Commander and the Normandy came along. They’re close enough that they joke around and tease each other in ways that most people don’t even really understand. Hell, they even playfully flirt and don’t think too much of it.  
  
Right, because there’s not anything else to it.  
  
“So listen, Esteban.” James sighs and shifts a little, “I just wanna say that I’m glad you’re okay, alright?” He looks over at Steve, expecting some kind of response before he remembers that the guy is banned from talking. He mentally scoffs at himself and decides to fill the silence with more of an explanation. “You and me? We’ve been through a lot. Fehl Prime, Ferris Fields, Earth… we’ve lost a lot of people, too. But, through it all, I could always depend on you to be there, yanno?”  
  
Cortez nods and gives him a small smile. Before he even knows what he’s doing, Vega continues, “Even when I’m doing some stupid shit or somethin’ that I know I’m gonna get flak for, I know you’re gonna be there with a smile on your face and probably some little joke to poke fun of me. You’ve always got my back, even when you were busy dealing with your own shit. I appreciate it. I’ve kinda gotten accustomed to it, actually. Which is kinda selfish of me, I guess but I’ve always tried to cheer you up when I could tell you were feelin’ down. And that one time when you were down in the Normandy’s shuttle bay and listenin’ to that recording of Robert… I was in the middle of tryin’ to figure out what to say when Shepard came in and beat me to it.”  
  
“I just…” Vega finally turns and looks straight into Steve’s ridiculously blue eyes, “I care about you a lot, Esteban. When that damn harvester shot you outta the sky… when I saw the crash off in the distance… I dunno. I was thinking, ‘that’s _my_ pilot you just shot down you son of a bitch!’” The smile that spreads over Steve’s face just make James put one on his own. “’Cause that’s what I think of you as, I guess. You’re _my_ pilot. I just let Loco and the Normandy borrow you from time to time.”  
  
Cortez puts one of his hands on James’ lap and the marine looks down on it. He realizes how… how Steve could’ve taken what he said. It’s not exactly what he meant. Well, yeah, it is; he just meant for it to be more of a “I’m glad you’re alive” confession than “I’ve grown incredibly attached to you and I’m more than okay with that hand you have on my leg” confession. Vega lets out a sigh of relief and looks back up at Steve’s face. The man now has a scar right below his bottom lip that is almost a perfect match for the one below James’. It’s on the other side, though. If they were to kiss their two scars would be right on top of each other.  
  
For some reason, Vega can’t get that image out of his head. He wants it to happen. He wants it to happen right now.  
  
James scoots marginally closer to Steve and puts his own hand on top of the one the pilot has on his leg. He exhales to push out some of the tension in his chest and leans forward. Their faces so close together that their noses are next to each other, looking like a pair of parallel lines. As Vega slides his tongue in between his lips to wet them, he can feel Cortez’ breath move past the muscle. He closes his eyes as he feels Steve’s bandage covered hand slide over the back of his neck and plant itself there firmly. There’s nothing stopping this. Vega goes for it.  
  
There’s a half second of confusion as James hears Cortez grunt and then he feels that hand at the back of his neck shove him down until he’s bent over. It makes just a little more sense when he hears and _feels_ something pass right over his head. The marine gets out of the grip and turns to see the shadow of someone hiding on the other side of the doorway and all the patients in the room with him starting to panic.  
  
Someone just tried to snipe him and take him out in the middle of the damn clinic. He knew this all didn’t feel right. James keeps his head down and grabs for his Mattock, gritting his teeth when he finds it missing from its spot on his back. He pulls away his Claymore instead, thinking it’s probably a better choice for close quarters fighting.  
  
“You chose the wrong one today, pendejo!” He quickly slams his free fist against his chest, activating the foucault currents of his suit’s fortification program and rushes forward. By the time he reaches the doorway, the attacker shows himself. A Batarian solder aims a shot and fires. Despite it being at practically point blank, the round bounces off as James stops moving and raises his shotgun, firing as quickly as he can with a heavy gun like the Claymore. Both him and the four-eyed alien stagger back- James does so because of the ridiculous recoil of the weapon while his target is dealing with taking the full spray of the shotgun to his chest.  
  
James doesn’t get a chance to relish in the feeling of taking the guy down before he’s tackled. Two more Batarians lunge out and use their combined body weight to try and hold him down. They’re only partially successful as Vega manages to squirm enough to make their punches to his face graze more times than not. It’s not enough to get them off him and even his reinforced shields can’t protect him from the punch that busts his lip and the one that follows that leaves a cut on his cheekbone. He’s in a horrible position and surrounded by people who can’t help him.  
  
That’s what he thinks until he hears a gunshot followed by the wet gurgling sound as the Batarian on his left arm falls backwards. James doesn’t take time to question it. He quickly uses his free hand to thump his chest in the spot he’s memorized. The current from his fortification surges straight to his gauntlets, giving him just enough boost that, when he punches the Batarian still on him, he hears an audible crunch as his armored hand meets its uncovered skull.  
  
Vega gets to his feet, rubbing his jaw. He bends down to get his Claymore but staggers back as a grenade lands at his feet. His first instinct is to duck out of the way. His second is to do something about the damn thing since he’s surrounded by soldiers that are already incredibly wounded. Hearing the noise the small canister is making quickly raising in pitch, signaling its oncoming release, he kicks it back the way it came from, causing it to tumble down the stairs.  
  
He hears some unsuspecting bastard yell “Shit!” half a second before the explosion gets the best of him. James grins to himself and bends down again, growling when he hears gunfire. This time, though, he’s grateful for it. When he stands back up, he finds one last attacker sliding down the wall until the only motion coming from him is the blood that’s slowly spilling out of his wounds. The grin returns to his face when he pivots and finds Cortez holding Vega’s “missing” rifle, aiming it at the door.

“You really shouldn’t be firing somethin’ like that in a place like this, Esteban.” James calls back from his position.  It earns him an eye roll from the pilot that the lieutenant can’t resist answering with a wink.

 

“Stay here,” Vega gestures downward before pointing at the stairwell, “If you see any more of those sons of bitches come up this way, give ‘em another hole in their head. M’gonna go and try to clear this place out.”

  
  
This time he doesn’t wait for a response from Steve since he remembers the guy can’t give him one. Instead, he ejects the used heat sink from the shotgun and replaces it before advancing to the stairwell and descending as slowly as he can. It’s made only a little bit harder by the three bodies that block his way on the steps.  
  
When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, Vega sees a group of four standing in a small circle. He quickly moves back up just enough that they can’t see him and listens in.  
  
“The one up there isn’t a biotic. That’s not Shepard. We’re wasting time here! Someone definitely heard all the shots and that grenade going off! We’re going to have more than one Alliance soldier to deal with if we don’t get out of here now!”  
  
“If we leave now, we lose any chances of getting Shepard! If he knows this place is under attack, he’ll be here faster than anyone else will. We just need to be ready for him when we do.”  
  
“And how do we do that? We just lost eight of us in three minutes to that one up there! The twelve we have left won’t be able to take them _both_ down!”  
  
“Go set the charges! If we can’t take him down with force, we’ll take him down by threatening to take this whole block down with us!”  
  
That’s all James has the patience to hear. He whispers to himself, “Like hell you are!” Without hesitation, Vega quickly loads one of his Carnage rounds into the Claymore and prepares to rush out.  
  
He takes one step out and his omni-tool lights up. A second later, EDI’s voice comes through, loud and clear. “Lieutenant Vega, I’m patching you through to General Alenko.”  
  
It’s enough to get the attention of the Batarians. It also gives them enough time to panic as the large, explosive shot hurtles towards them. Two manage to jump out of the way but the other two become splattered gore on the floor right below where they were once standing.  
  
The lieutenant quickly goes back to the cover given to him by the stairwell and does his best to wait out the incoming gunfire. Unfortunately, the two of them seem to be smart enough to fire when the other needs to reload. He’s stuck in the spot and can’t think of a way to get in close or a shot off of his own. He has another two minutes until his armor has recovered enough to use the fortification program again.  
  
James grits his teeth, bitterly shutting the comm connection as Kaidan’s voice shouts through it, asking what’s going on. The Batarians could easily contact the other eight hiding in the facility somewhere and tell them to plant the charges while he’s stuck in his current spot and the thought is making him edgy enough to take the risk of going out.  
  
“Stand down.”  
  
James’ eyes go wide when he sees the shadow on the opposite side of the room, staring at the Batarians that are out of Vega’s visual range.  
  
“This is your one and only warning.”  
  
The shots aimed at Vega stop and one of the attackers yell, “Shit, it’s Shepard! Fire, fire! I need to warn the others!”  
  
Fire is exactly what they do, too. But they bounce right off the commander’s biotic barriers like nothing. It’s probably a good thing since the man is in civvies that look to be one layer thick; the fabric of the denim jeans and most likely cotton shirt giving no real protection. Shepard doesn’t even move, just waiting for both aliens to need to drop their clips.  
  
The moment finally happens and Shepard growls from deep in his throat. “Wrong answer.” He bends his knees and is gone. If it wasn’t for the slight trail of glowing light and the hint of eezo in the air, James would have no idea what just happened. There’s a loud yelp and a thud. By the time Vega makes it around the corner, one Batarian is on the ground, unconscious or dead, and the other is off his feet, being shoved against the wall by Shepard.  
  
The alien writhes under the grip but doesn’t get far, thanks to the extra pressure of the biotics. “Let me go!” The attacker tries to reach for its gun but doesn’t get far before being pulled away from the wall and slammed back against it. “All I have to say is one word and my men’ll blow up the place!”  
  
“If you and your men want to get out of here alive, I suggest you tell them to stand down.” The commander’s voice is still in the low range that sends goose bumps up James’ arms, even with his armor on. “These people are under my protection. I don’t want to lose any more people unnecessarily so soon after this war but I won’t hesitate to take all of you down if you push me to it.”  
  
There’s a long, pregnant pause as the attacker weighs his options. James smirks grimly, knowing the once-attacker can tell his choices are slim. The Batarian bares his teeth and lets out a frustrated yell. After he gets a hold of himself, he brings a hand up to its head and contacts the others. “Retreat! Evacuate the building now! We’ll meet up later!”  
  
As soon as the words are out, the blue glow around Shepard glows stronger and the Batarian in his hand grunts as he’s lifted even farther up the wall. “Now, you’re going to tell me how you found me and where all your buddies are planning to meet up after the retreat. I don’t know if you’re working for the Hegemony or what but we’re putting an end to this right now before anyone else needs to get hurt.”  
  
James’ mouth falls open slightly but he doesn’t say anything. He could count the biotics being some kind of muscle memory thing. The fact that Shepard is sounding like him old self, carrying himself like his old self, knows a lot about the Batarians doesn’t lend well to the idea of the guy being an amnesiac. Something is off here and Vega feels a strong pull to get everything set straight. With Shepard in interrogation mode, James knows he isn’t going to be leaving for a few. He takes that time to go back upstairs and do a check on the patients and Cortez.  
  
Vega smiles and raises his hands when he finds the other lieutenant on his cot with his back against the wall and the assault rifle pointed right at him. “Hey, s’just me. The situation is under control, Esteban.” Once Steve lowers the weapon, James’ smile grows as he moves over and sits down on the cot next to him.  
  
“First,” James says as he slides until their arms are pressed against each other, “I wanna thank you for havin’ my back and saving my ass when they attacked.” Steve raises a hand and puts up two fingers. Vega stares at it for a moment in confusion before snorting and pushing the hand down. “Yeah, okay, thanks for savin’ my ass _twice._ Happy?”  
  
Cortez grins and nods but doesn’t get a chance to put his hand back at his side before James grabs it with his own and laces their fingers together. “Second, I feel the need to pick up right where we left off before we were so rudely interrupted.” Steve raises an eyebrow and grins a little harder but doesn’t resist Vega leans in and brushes his lips over Cortez’ so lightly that it’s hardly a kiss.  
  
When Steve squeezes his hand, James takes that as a good sign and leans in again kissing him a little harder. He fits his full lips perfectly in between the other man’s and nips at Steve’s bottom one, demanding access to the space in between them. Cortez lets out a small gasp and gives him exactly what he wants- what they both want. Vega takes the opportunity and licks into his mouth, looking to map new territory that he plans on finding his way back to over and over again.  
  
When James finally pulls back, Steve gives him a glare that only makes the bigger man chuckle. “Hold on, hombre. Third and finally, I’m gonna get you somethin’ to write on and you’re gonna fill me in on everything you know about the commander’s so-called amnesia.”


	6. Chapter 5

**_Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!_**  
 ** _Let the dead Past bury its dead!_**  
 ** _Act,–act in the living Present!_**  
 ** _Heart within, and God o’erhead!_**  
  
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Kaidan leans forward and presses his hand against his face. None of this is making any sense to his tired brain.  
  
“Nope, not even a little.” James’ voice comes through the private terminal in the cabin loud and clear. “Esteban told me… well, he didn’t tell me so much as he wrote it down- I had to butter him up a bit to get the info but-“ Kaidan clears his throat, trying to signal to Vega that he’s giving far too much information. “Anyway, he said that the commander has been keeping the amnesia act up in front of people who know him or recognize him but he caught him outside his window relaxed and lookin’ like his normal self a few days ago. Looks like Shepard is pullin’ a fast one over on all of us.”  
  
Kaidan sighs and shakes his head, “But why?”  
  
“I dunno, it kinda makes sense to me.” Kaidan grunts, signaling for the lieutenant to explain. “Imagine if you were him and all reports said that your whole crew- all the people you were close to and managed to keep alive through that goddamn war- were MIA and presumed dead. You did your part in savin’ everyone and managed to be the only one out of everyone who made a big difference who lived. Wouldn’t you wanna fall off the grid and have everyone forget your name?”  
  
Kaidan frowns and closes his eyes. “Sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this, Lieutenant.”  
  
“Yeah,” Vega’s voice gets a little quieter, “after losing my crew on Fehl Prime, the last thing I wanted was a promotion. All I wanted was to be left alone to deal with losin’ all of my guys. Having to deal with Mindoir, Akuze and then that? I think even the mighty Commander Shepard would reach his breaking point.”  
  
“Yeah,” Kaidan huffs, “but something… something doesn’t feel right. I need to get to the bottom of this.”  
  
“Well, you could always get off the ship and come ask him directly.”  
  
“No,” Kaidan says, running his fingers over the glass holding all of the model ships, “I’ve got to go into this prepared. I’ll let you know how it goes. Tell Cortez I said thanks for the intel.”  
  
“If things go well, he’ll be able to respond to you himself.” James chuckles from his side of the connection, “Chakwas is workin’ on him right now. She thinks with her better, military grade supplies she should be able to have him back on his feet and talkin’ in no time.”  
  
“Good to hear.” Kaidan smiles and closes the line only to press a few more buttons opening another channel and leaning back in his chair. “Liara?”  
  
“Hello, Kaidan.” The Asari’s voice is calm but fond. “It’s good to hear from you.”  
  
“You too, Liara. Unfortunately, it isn’t a social call.” Kaidan starts drumming his fingers over his thigh, “It’s about Shepard.”  
  
“I figured as much. I’m aware of the situation.”  
  
“You- you’re… ‘aware of the situation?’” Kaidan straightens up in his seat, feeling a good mix of confusion and exasperation. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Things may be a bit… difficult right now, Kaidan, but I am still the Shadow Broker.”  
  
“Right, of course.” His words have a bitter edge to them. “And just _when_ were you planning on telling me you not only knew that John was alive but that he’s not exactly the amnesiac he’s pretending to be?”  
  
There’s a slight pause before Liara answers. “As soon as I knew why he was doing it. If this is something he’s doing as part of a mission-“  
  
“Liara, I don’t care if whatever he’s doing is the difference between the life and death of the galaxy right now!” He growls out the words and slams his fist against the desk, “You should’ve told me! You know I’m in charge of a group of covert spec op agents. You think I get a position like that and can’t keep a fucking secret? Come on, now!”  
  
“Kaidan-“  
  
“No, I don’t wanna hear it!” He’s full on shouting now. “There’s absolutely no excuse for keeping me in the dark when it comes to the man I love! If I’d known what was going on, I could’ve actually been prepared for that Batarian attack! For both of them! This- this whole situation is insane! I just…” Kaidan sighs and puts his head down on the desk, feeling drained from all the yelling and the extra stress he’s been through in just the last few hours. It’s just barely reaching the end of twenty-four hours since he found out that Shepard was even alive and he’s done almost as much stressing as he did the day they went to take back Earth from the Reapers.  
  
There’s a long silence before Liara finally breaks it. “Kaidan, I know this isn’t the best time to bring this up but… you haven’t seemed to be acting like your normal self lately.”  
  
Kaidan huffs out something similar to a laugh, “Yeah? What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“It’s more than just that rant you just went on- which I must say that I don’t think I’ve ever heard you raise your voice in that manner towards someone in all the time I’ve met you… and I managed to find vid feeds from the day you and Shepard saw each other again on Horizon. It’s the choices you’ve been making and the overall way you’ve been handling yourself. It seems…” Liara hesitates and Kaidan guesses it’s out of worrying how he might react and not because she’s looking for the right words. “You seem less like you… and more like Shepard.”  
  
“Yeah. Maybe.” Kaidan closes his eyes and swallows hard, hoping that the actions will push away the wetness of his eyes and sore feeling in his throat. His voice has gone quiet to the point that it’s a stark contrast to his earlier tirade. “I think… I think I figured that the galaxy- even a post-Reaper galaxy- would need someone who made the choices that Shepard made. I thought-” he sighs and tries again, “I thought that I might not be able to bring him back or _be_ him… but I could at least make sure that he didn’t die in vain. Or lose his mind in vain, I guess.”  
  
Kaidan opens his mouth, trying to continue but his voice cracks so he stops himself for a moment until he can get some semblance of control back over his own body. “It’s not easy. It probably sounds horrible and cliché but… when I heard the news that he was presumed dead… I just- it was like I’d lost Earth all over again. So much of my life has revolved around him over the last three and a half years. And I wanted to hold onto him in any way I can.”  
  
Liara takes advantage of the short pause and chimes in. “Kaidan, Shepard loves you for who you are. Even if he was actually dead or truly without his memories, you have to know that he wouldn’t want you to change for him or anyone else for that matter. He’d want you to live on as you are and keep moving forward. Surely you can see that you are doing him no favors by trying to mimic how he would act in your situation.”  
  
 _How he would act in your situation_.  
  
“Of course!” Kaidan raises his head, his eyes going wide with realization.  
  
“Kaidan? What is it? What’s the matter?”  
  
Alenko jumps out of his seat and moves to get his boots and put them back on. “Liara, how fast can you get me information on all the settlements of the remaining Batarians here on Earth?”  
  
The Shadow Broker stammers for a moment then finally answers, “I-I could have it to you in a matter of minutes. I’ve been tracking where all of the non-human species have been clustering together while work is being done on the Mass Relays. Why?”  
  
“Can’t explain right now!” Kaidan only has his boots halfway laced up as he hobbles to the door to the cabin, “Just compile all of that data and send it to EDI, Admiral Hackett and any other high up Alliance officials. Tell the latter that I’m on to something big and to prepare spec op teams as quickly as they can to avoid having one hell of a problem on their hands. I think I know what’s going on now and I’m gonna follow this hunch. Hopefully it’ll end whatever these Batarians are trying to do before things get any more insane!”  
  
“Fine, Kaidan, but-”  
  
“And make sure to tell them to not make a move on anyone until they hear from me! In fact, make sure none of the Batarians even notice there being anything different happening until I give the word! I’ll make sure you know what’s going on when the time comes. I gotta go, Liara! Thanks for the talk! Sorry I yelled at you!”  
  
He’s fairly sure he hears the Asari calling out for him as the door to his cabin closes behind him and he makes it to the elevator.  
  
“Kaidan, might I ask-”  
  
“Not now, EDI.” Kaidan interrupts as he steps out of the elevator and rushes to get off of the ship. “Liara should be sending you some data. I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out from that. Do me a favor and make sure it ends up in all of the right hands. For the sake of Shepard and myself, I’m gonna need radio silence between us until I contact you first. What I’m about to do is very sensitive and the last thing I need is for something to go wrong.”  
  
“Yes, General.”  
  
Kaidan loses track of time as he runs to try and get to his destination. The only real sign he has of how much of it has passed is the burning sensation in his lungs with every shallow breath he takes as he finally reaches to the remains of the Tower of London. He sees the door is partially open and can only hope that “the Bloody Tower” doesn’t have any more famous deaths added to its list today.  
  
He’s not sure what he’s expecting when he enters but it’s not what he actually finds.  
  
Everything is empty. The silence and lack of movement in the air almost makes the place feel even deader than it probably was a few weeks ago when the Reapers and their ground troops had dominated the area. Kaidan steps over rubble and makes his way to the inner ward, taking in his surroundings to see just how badly the monument has fallen and to make sure no one gets the jump on him from some hidden spot.  
  
He stops and stands completely still when he sees it- sees _him_. Shepard is at the partially dilapidated building that the (strangely pristine) You Are Here guide sign designates as the Waterloo Barracks, once home of the Crown Jewels. He’s pushing away pieces of rock and cement, trying to clear the entrance and most likely get inside. Kaidan has no idea what he’s up to but he sure as hell is going to go over there and find out. It’s time for some serious answers about whatever John has been doing lately.  
  
Knowing better than to sneak up on a soldier who has seen as much as Shepard has, Kaidan calls out as he approaches. “John.”  
  
Shepard turns around, his brow furrowed as he cautiously waves in response. “Hey there… Kaidan, was it? What brings you around here?”  
  
“You know who I am, John.” Kaidan does his best to keep his newfound temper in check as he continues to get closer. “You’ve known this whole time. While I’m pretty sure that you have a good reason for it, you can cut the act now. We’re alone here.”  
  
John’s face twists a bit at the words, “I’m sorry, General, but I don’t think I understand what-”  
  
“No, you _do_ understand, Shepard.” Kaidan’s irritation started to show. “I’m not sure why you’re doing this. I’m _praying_ it’s for something important and not because you’re trying to push me and anyone else away but I know you know who you are. I know you know who I am. I’m pretty damn sure you knew what Batarians were when I last spoke to you. I’m also confident in believing you stayed around the clinic to protect Steve and the rest of the soldiers that you knew were being targeted by them.”  
  
Shepard’s expression changes again. This time it’s serious and more than a little irritated. “Kaidan, I really don’t think you-“  
  
“Understand? No, I probably don’t.” Kaidan planted his feet firmly on the ground right in front of the other man. “And while I really want to, I don’t need to understand right now. What I need is for you to stop treating me like an idiot.” John starts to look away and Kaidan moves to make sure his own brown eyes stayed in visual contact with Shepard’s blue ones. “What I need is for the man who I love to stop lying to me and let me help him with whatever is going on before it’s too late.”  
  
John’s mouth opens then closes again. When he finally dares to speak, it’s a question. “What do you mean, ‘too late’?”  
  
Kaidan sighs in relief. Shepard might not be apologizing or admitting to what he has been doing but he’s at least interested in hearing him out. “It’s the Batarians. I’m not sure what all you know but, after you and James messed up the first stage of their plan yesterday, they’re out for blood. They want to take you out before you can screw things up for them even more. They’re coming en masse and-“  
  
Kaidan stops mid-sentence when he hears movement off in the distance. He grits his teeth and growls, “I’m pretty sure they not only know you’re here but that they’re advancing now. We need to get out of here.”  
  
“No time,” John shoots back, “besides, if we tried to run now, we’d be completely out in the open. They’d be able to pick us off before we got far.”  
  
“Fine.” Kaidan clenches his fists and nods. “What’re our options?”  
  
Shepard points at the rubble riddled entrance, “You’re looking at it.”  
  
Kaidan looks around, his fingers twitching at his sides because of the building anxiety. “I don’t think-”  
  
“It’s the only option, Kaidan.” John uses that stern tone- that _Commander Shepard_ tone that demands attention and compliance. It’s something that Kaidan had tried to use on Doctor Madden and the sniper back on Mars and failed at. “I know I haven’t been straightforward with you at all lately… but I need you to trust me on this.”  
  
The last part comes out with a contrasting softness to his other words. It’s the way that John would speak to them when they’re alone and Shepard felt comfortable enough to let his other side show. Kaidan swallows hard and nods. “Okay… okay, yeah. We’re gonna need to get in here fast, then.”  
  
“You’re right. One fast entrance, coming up.” John takes a step back and holds out his arm to make Kaidan step back with him. Alenko watches as the man shifts a little, a slight blue biotic glow covering Shepard’s body right before he thrusts one hand forward, a shockwave of biotic power rippling out from his hand and breaking down a piece of the wall. Kaidan doesn’t question it; he just grabs the other man by the hand and pulls him inside right as he hears shouting off in the distance.  
  
The first thing Kaidan notices is that there are windows everywhere. Most of them are destroyed enough that there’s no real worry of them being optimal sniping points. But they’re still windows that would allow for the enemy to track their movements and bombard them with gunfire if they stood near them for too long. After a quick scan, he makes out that the way to the next floor has been destroyed. They could technically make another hole and use it to get up there but the building isn’t in the best of conditions and making another opening might work against them just as much as it could work for them.  
  
In short, they’re trapped on the bottom floor with no way out and little actual room to move around since there are windows everywhere. They’re not screwed but they are definitely screwed adjacent.  
  
Kaidan opens his mouth to say what Shepard probably already figured out on his own but gets interrupted by the immediate sounds of gunfire. The window right next to him breaks, showering the area with shattered glass. He tries to turn away but it’s not before a few shards manage to embed themselves into his skin. He can feel the sharp snap of the pain the hardest right above his right temple.  
  
He’s gritting his teeth and grunting when John grabs him and drags him to the farthest corner. It’s where they were already trying to get to since they would be out of the line of sight of all the windows except the one on the far side of the room. It’s their best spot to recover and think up a plan of action.  
  
Shepard’s hands grab onto his chin to keep him still while he quickly plucks the pieces of glass out of where they’re trying to make a home on the side of Kaidan’s face. The creep of liquid on his skin means he’s already started bleeding. He knew going in that this wasn’t going to be easy if he didn’t manage to get John and get away before they showed up but now he’s actually in the situation and things seem bleak.

 

by [Space Altie](http://aureliebm.deviantart.com/art/A-psalm-of-Life-MEBB2012-334979940?ga_submit=10%3A1351528696&ga_type=edit&ga_recent=1)

  
Three small grenades hop through three different windows and roll to a halt not too far from where they’re currently situation. Alenko growls low and pushes John back slightly, quickly extending his arms out at his sides. With just a bit of focus, he gets a barrier up and around the both of them. Moments later, all of the grenades explode, shaking both the barrier and Kaidan but not managing to actually harm either of them or Shepard.  
  
They’re both strong biotics who can hold their own but, if they manage to have a gun that can successfully shoot them from the distance, they’re going to need some extra protection. Kaidan keeps the barrier up just for this reason. He keeps his eyes closed, trying to think up some kind of a plan to get out of this.  
  
“Kaidan…” John’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts.  
  
“Unless you’ve got some kinda strategy to get us out of here, I suggest saving your breath.” He almost wants to apologize for being so harsh. He doesn’t, though. He doesn’t regret it. Why should he? After all the crap Shepard has put him through, he has every right to be angry at the man. John should’ve known better than to try and take all of this on by himself. He used to always say how it was a group effort to do what he does and how he couldn’t have done it alone. Why did he suddenly think this situation would be any different?  
  
There’s a heavy, warm hand on his shoulder. Kaidan tries his best to ignore it but he ends up tensing all the same. “You’re starting to bleed pretty bad from the cuts. You should use some medi-gel on them.”  
  
He hates that even when he’s angry, he can’t help but react to John’s voice when he talks with that softer tone. He lets out a breathy, bitter chuckle. “No offense, Commander, but chances are we’re gonna need that for something worse than those little scrapes because of this mess that we’re currently in.”  
  
“Kaidan…” Shepard tries to plead.  
  
“John.” Alenko warns with his tone to not push it. They both go quiet, just listening to the sounds of mutterings off in the distance from their attackers. Eventually, Shepard lets his hand slide down and away. Kaidan isn’t sure if he should be happy over that small victory or not but his stomach still twists up all the same.  
  
The bang of gunfire echoes through the near silence. Something hits Kaidan’s barrier hard. It’s almost enough to knock it down. If he felt the trajectory right, it would’ve taken him out for good as well. This is risky. He’s not going to be able to hold it up forever and the pain from the side of his face already seems to be mixing with the slight ache he’s feeling right behind his eyes, signaling an incoming migraine. He shakes his head, thinking about the amazingly perfect timing of his lovely little L2 implant’s need to complicate everything.  
  
“Kaidan.”  
  
“What did I say, Shepard?” Kaidan snaps back at him.  
  
“We need to get that window out of commission or we’re as good as dead in here.” John says insistently.  
  
“We’re already as good as dead in here.” Kaidan mutters quietly before speaking up more, “I’m kinda busy right now and, as far as I remember, your biotics don’t exactly reach that far.” He just barely manages to hold back the addition of _unless you’ve been lying and holding back about that, too._  
  
“Keep your barrier up while I get in close and use some of this rubble and debris to cover it up.” John replies matter-of-factly.  
  
“That won’t-“ Kaidan stops himself, feeling his frustration start to get the better of him. He tries again, “Those are full length windows. I’d have to walk slowly to keep my barrier up and protect us both. I’d be a sitting duck! They’d break through my barrier and we’d be-“  
  
“I meant that you stay here while I do it, Kaidan.”  
  
“What?!” Kaidan shouts it loud enough that it not only echoes inside of the building but outside as well. He lowers his voice when he speaks up again. “Even if you caught them off guard, they’d be onto you by the fourth window and then would be spraying the fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth with gunfire nonstop! There’s no way you’d make that!”  
  
“I have to try, Kaidan.” Alenko can’t help but notice the determined yet defeated sound in his voice. “It’s either that or they keep taking shots at you with that gun when they think you’re distracted until they finally get through.”  
  
Kaidan opens his mouth to rebut again but John’s hand is back on his shoulder. “I somehow managed to survive the Citadel, Crucible and the Catalyst. I think I can handle being shot a few times.”  
  
Whatever Kaidan wants to say, it’s stuck in his throat. It’s probably for the best because he has so many things that he wants to say and he’s afraid they’d all come out jumbled together at the moment. Shepard moves until he’s standing right in front of him and tentatively puts his hands on the other man’s hips.  
  
“I’m sorry about all that I’ve put you through, Kaidan.” John presses their foreheads together and stares at him with sympathetic blue eyes. “Just… let me make sure you get out of this alive. I wouldn’t be able to live with losing you because of my mistake.”  
  
“No.” Kaidan’s voice is thick and shaky but he doesn’t care. He needs to say this. “I’m not going to lose you again. I’m not going to have you die on me a third time, John. You think you won’t be able to go on? What about me? That’s not-”  
  
Shepard cuts him off by slotting his lips in between Kaidan’s. They both exhale at the same time, their hot breaths mingling together as John’s hands dig a little harder into Kaidan’s hips. It has all the makings of a goodbye kiss and the second human Spectre refuses to let it be just that. He’s pissed at the man. He’s even angrier than he was back on Horizon when he saw Shepard with Cerberus. But he’s not ready to lose him; not now, not ever again.  
  
When John breaks the embrace and takes a step back, Kaidan automatically takes one forward. He knows he can’t keep the barrier up and keep up with Shepard if the other man decides to go through with it, but damn it, he has to at least try. John puts his hand on Kaidan’s chest, trying to signal for him to stay still. Kaidan closes his wet, glassy eyes and shakes his head fervently, silently stating that he’s not going to just cooperate.  
  
“I’ll be fine, Kaidan. Have some faith. What did I tell you about that little rain cloud of yours?”  
  
“I’ll-” Kaidan squeezes his eyes even tighter, his words getting caught off by a quick sob that he can’t hold back, “I’ll try to keep the floor dry.”  
  
John lets out a small chuckle and leans in for another kiss- one that might easily be their last kiss.  
  
“Shepard! Shepard, watch out!”  
  
John turns around and whispers to himself, “Grunt?”  
  
Two more grenades fly through the windows. Kaidan reflexively lowers his head, focusing on keeping his barrier strong enough to take another assault like that. Once again, the barrier and his own body shake but neither falls. Kaidan exhales, grateful that he managed to keep them safe, even if he isn’t as good as, say, an Asari Commando.  
  
It’s all short-lived. A second later, the echo of another shot rings through the air. This time, though, the barrier doesn’t hold. Kaidan takes a gasp as he feels an immense pain as something tears its way through his chest and out through his back. His hands reach out, trying to grab something that isn’t there as he falls backwards. It’s only right before his body hits the ground that he’s caught.  
  
He can hear John yelling his name but it sounds strangely distant, despite how close they are. That’s all he can notice as everything eventually starts to go hazy and then black.


	7. Chapter 6

**_Lives of great men all remind us_**  
 ** _We can make our lives sublime,_**  
 ** _And, departing, leave behind us_**  
 ** _Footprints on the sands of time;–_**  
  
“Alright, listen up.” Joker looks up at the vid feeds that EDI is providing him of where everyone is assembled in the conference room. Most of the group is leaning against the walls while a few of the familiar faces are leaning against the table. Some are even looking up at the ceiling like it’ll make them hear the flight lieutenant’s voice better. If things weren’t so serious at the moment, Joker would rag on a few of them. He casually ignores the other vids from those at remote locations outside of the Normandy because looking at a Turian or Krogran from below them is damn distracting.  
  
Once he’s sure he has everyone’s attention and all side conversations are over, he continues. “As you guys already know, Kaidan found the Commander alive not too long ago, doing who the fuck knows what on his own and pretending to have amnesia so he can use that as his cover or something. Kaidan cracked whatever the big mystery is and Alliance troops are currently getting in place to do a planet-wide raid of all the Batarian settlements around Earth.  
  
“The thing is... me, James, EDI and Cortez are pretty damn sure that what Kaidan left out is that they’re also after both him and Shepard. EDI managed to hack Alenko’s omni-tool to keep track of him.”  
  
“Based on the trajectory of his movements on foot, I’ve extrapolated possible points of interest that the general might be heading towards and found the location he’s most likely making his way to.” EDI interjects casually.  
  
“Right, yeah.” Joker narrows his eyes at the synthetic in the copilot seat. She doesn’t show any sign of notice but he knows she does since she’s technically watching everything all the time inside of the ship. No matter how long they’ve been together, he’ll never be able to stop finding that at least a little bit creepy. “Anyway, chances are they’re gonna beat us to the commander and general but we’re not gonna make it easy on ‘em to just take out two of our best men.”  
  
Once again, EDI jumps in. “Lieutenant Vega will be taking half of the group onto a Kodiak shuttle which will be flown by Lieutenant Cortez. They will be known as Team One. I will personally lead Team Two in the second shuttle that will be flown by Private Green.”  
  
Joker snorts and whispers to himself. “Also known as Not-Steve.”  
  
EDI knows no one heard it but she still looks over and gives the flight lieutenant a warning glance. “Once we land and make our way to our destination, Team One will be in charge of providing a distraction and eliminating any troops around the perimeter while Team Two will take advantage of Team One’s attacking to get in closer and attempt extraction of Commander Shepard and General Alenko.”  
  
“You guys who’re already out and about and are getting your own transportation to the site, your job is pretty simple: help get Kaidan and Shepard out while picking off any sons of bitches you run into along the way. You’ve all been through enough with Shepard that I can trust you know how to handle your own.” Joker rolls his eyes at the deep voiced chortle that _has_ to be Wrex. “EDI and I’ll be here, coordinating things as best as I can. Well, the rest of EDI that isn’t already gonna be out on the- you guys know what I mean. Good luck and all that shit. Bring our boys back alive. Joker out.”  
  
Joker relaxes a bit in his seat, letting out a sigh. “I just hope this all works out. Shepard’s not allowed to die again before I get to yell at him after the last time.”  
  
“While we are attempting to catch up, currently, the probability of our success is relatively high,   
Jeff.” Joker isn’t sure when EDI had moved but he’s grateful for her hands on his shoulders, giving them a squeeze that’s enough to be relaxing without being enough to actually break anything. “As long as Shepard and Kaidan can manage to keep themselves safe until we arrive, everything should go as planned.”  
  
“Right but we don’t know that for sure.” Joker points out. “The Batarians might have a huge ass rocket launcher or something that blows both of them to bits with one shot.”  
  
One of the hands on his shoulders snakes up and cards through the bit of hair from the back of his neck to where his hat covers up the rest and then back again. “Am I wrong in my assumption that this extra anxiety is stemming from your desire to be out helping us retrieve them?”  
  
He sighs, “No, you’re definitely right. I just… I’d love to just take the Normandy over there and knock ‘em all out with one shot of the cannons. I know I can’t, though. I’d have every damn Alliance official both alive and dead after my ass for the collateral damage that would cause. Doesn’t mean I’m not still tempted to do it.”  
  
“You can help me by keeping everyone in contact with one another and keeping this attack organized from here.” EDI says with an impressive amount of supportiveness in her voice. “I need to go get to my team.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Joker says with a sigh. “Make sure you come back in one piece, too, alright?”  
  
“I’m tempted to remind you that, even if something were to happen to this platform, I’d still be in one piece.” She takes a step back and Joker can hear her walk away. He can also hear the amusement in her voice as she finishes her statement, “But I won’t.”  
  
“Actually, you just did it.” Joker points out again.  
  
“I know, Jeff.”  
  
The doors to the cockpit close but Joker keeps the conversation going, even if her body isn’t within ear shot. “Say, I wonder how Vega took the news that Cortez is gonna be his pilot?”  
  
“I know the answer to that.”  
  
Joker waits a second before expectantly asking, “And?”  
  
“You don’t want to know the answer.”  


* * *

  
  
“The fuck you are, Esteban!” James has apparently lost all control of his volume control when he lost control of his temper. The fact that Steve just stands there with his arms draped at his sides, waiting for the rant to start manages to make Vega even angrier, for some reason..  
  
“You’re supposed to be recovering, man!” James motions towards the door even though the person in the medbay he’s about to mention isn’t exactly close by. “I was there when Chakwas said you’re to rest and do nothing strenuous for the next week or so. Drivin’ a shuttle into a hot zone filled with human-hating aliens? That’s kinda the fuckin’ definition of strenous.”  
  
“Remind me to get you a dictionary app for your omni-tool later, Mister Vega.” Cortez rolls his eyes as he speaks up. His voice which is rough but in much better condition. Still, James would be happy if he stopped talking and just completely rest.  
  
“Nah, don’t pull that smart ass shit with me right now.” James says as he makes his way over to the doors, blocking the way out of the life support room with his large frame. “I’m putting my foot down on this. You’re not gonna go out there and risk this.”  
  
“Risk what?” Steve says as he pulls himself out of his chair with just enough effort to make Vega’s point. “I can fly the Kodiak with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. I haven’t taken my pain meds so my mind is completely clear. If I don’t do it, you’ll have to lose someone in your squad so that they can. Calm down, I’m not going to endanger the mission or anyone that’s on it.”  
  
“I don’t care about them!” Vega starts raising his voice again, still not caring about who might hear them. “The one I’m worried about here is you!”  
  
“James.” Steve smiles. James tilts his head back, his brows furrowing. When he sees that confused look on the other lieutenant’s face, Steve smiles even harder. They both knows why it’s there. Cortez hasn’t called him by his first name in a long time. “I’ll be fine. I was all hopped up on meds when I took out those guys in the clinic and I didn’t miss a single shot, did I?”  
  
“No, but-”  
  
“For what it’s worth, I really appreciate the concern. It feels good to see someone care about me that much. I care that much about you back.” Steve brings a hand up and rests it on the side of Vega’s face, stroking over one of the scars on it with his thumb. It feels a lot better than James wants to think about right now. He’s trying to be stern, after all. “If I thought I couldn’t do this, I wouldn’t have volunteered. I wouldn’t put you through that painful loss that I’m still learning how to deal with. Trust me, James.”  
  
The larger man doesn’t answer with words. He uses his hands. He pulls Steve closer to him and wraps his arms around him as he tilts his head and leans in for a kiss.  
  
Steve lets out a surprised grunt when James starts getting more into the kiss. He doesn’t fight it, though, thankfully. If Vega thought that his Esteban was in pain because of him, he would pull away in an instant. He doesn’t want to, though. Cortez willingly opens his mouth when Vega’s starts trying to get access to it with small nips and licks to the smaller man’s lips. They both want this so badly and neither of them is going to let anything get in their way.   
  
James pulls him even closer and takes a step back so that his back is pressed against the cool metal of the door. He only manages to make a small noise when he feels Steve’s hands on his pants, his nimble and well worn fingers making quick work of the belt and the clasps that are underneath it. He knows they should be doing what they’re so damn close to doing but they both want it so badly that he’s not so sure that they even could stop at this point.   
  
It’s only a few seconds later that he feels Steve’s hand wrap around him and start to move. James gasps and lets his head fall back as he rocks his hips forward into the grip. Cortez’ kisses, bites and licks on his neck only manage to make it all feel even better. He swallows hard and thrusts forward once more before grabbing Esteban’s arm and stilling him. This isn’t how he wants this to go. This is too one-sided. He has a reputation to uphold.  
  
Vega swiftly grabs Steve by his hips and pulls him up, kissing the other man back when their lips connect yet again. He carries Cortez over to the nearest counter and sets him down on it, quickly untying the sweats the man was in and pulling them down along with his boxer briefs with little effort. Their mouths stay connected as Vega blindly starts opening cabinets, feeling around for something liquid, to no avail.  
  
With a growl he breaks the kiss. “C’mon, you’re tellin’ me this place is fully stocked with med supplies and there’s no lube?”  
  
Despite his heavy breathing, Steve turns around as best as he can and calmly opens the cabinet closest to his head. He grabs a bottle and hands it to James. Vega raises an eyebrow in question and that’s all he apparently needs to do for Cortez to explain. “I’m the requisitions officer. You’d be surprised to know what else I know.”  
  
“Right,” Vega chuckles as he pops open the bottle and pours some of the liquid onto his fingers, “you can fill me in on some of that later.”   
  
He leans in and captures Steve’s mouth again, swallowing the man’s gasp as one finger covered cool liquid touches against his entrance and pushes in. He moves his hand slowly, trying to make sure it’s good for Esteban while making sure he’s well prepared for what’s coming up sooner rather than later. When he feels Cortez’ hips start to rock back and forth on his finger, he figures it’s time for another. He grins when he finally gets the moan he’s been waiting for from his pilot.  
  
Before long, James is spreading and scissoring his fingers. He’s loving the sounds he’s getting for his trouble. He’s already planning on learning each and every one of them as well as being able to cause them without trying too hard. He’s just barely worked the third in when Steve leans his head against Vega’s and whispers, “Enough. Just... do it. Fuck me.”  
  
James closes his eyes and nods. “Y-yeah. Okay.” He slowly pulls his fingers out and away, cherishing the sound he gets for the action. Uses what’s left of the lubricant on his hand to slick himself up and slowly start to push in.  
  
By this time, Vega has completely forgotten they’re in an extremely public part of the ship. All it would take is for someone to be heading towards the lounge and take a quick peek in. Whoever it was would get an eye full of what’s going on. He’s so far past the point of caring about anything other than the tight heat surrounding him, though, that it wouldn’t even matter who it was. He grits his teeth, hell bent on making sure it doesn’t end too soon. James grabs Steve’s hips and pushes him closer as he thrusts forward.  
  
“James...” God, the way Cortez is saying his name is making it even harder for him to not lose it. The lieutenant answers with a harder push, picking up the pace. He can already tell that this isn’t going to last long. So he decides to go for quality instead. The sound of Steve’s naked body sliding against the counter as it gets pushed and pulled is almost more obscene than the noises that the injured man is trying hard to keep down. James chuckles, his mind wandering just enough to think about requesting Liara’s old room for the both of them now that it’s vacated. They’ll definitely get some good use out of it.  
  
Before long, Cortez moves one hand away from where it’s been wrapped around Vega’s neck to wrap it around himself and stroke quickly. James slows down enough to put his own hand over his pilots so they can work him to completion together. It doesn’t take much after that. A few strokes and thrusts later and the man is coming all over his stomach, some of it hitting James’ shirt.  
  
“C’mon, come on...” Vega whispers to himself as he grips tighter on Steve’s hip with his one clean hand. He starts pushing in and out faster and harder, feeling himself get close. Cortez leans up, grabs the dog tags dangling over Vega’s neck and uses them to pull the focused man into a bruising kiss.   
  
It’s too much after that. With a far too loud groan, his hips stutter a few more times as he finds his climax and rides it out for all it’s worth.  
  
They stay in that position for a couple minutes, not bothering to move or speak. With how hard they’re breathing, James isn’t even sure that they _could_ speak. Eventually though, James pulls out, giving Steve a cheeky grin when the man lets out a noise that Cortez definitely finds embarrassing but Vega thinks is extremely hot. He bends down and grabs Steve’s pants and underwear, chuckling when they’re snatched away from him with a fake glare on Esteban’s face.  
  
“Okay, I’m not gonna fight you on this anymore,” James says as he’s rubbing Steve’s arm once he’s got his lower body covered again and is standing up, “but if you so much as cough while we’re out there, I’m gonna tie you down and drive the fuckin’ Kodiak back here myself.”  
  
Cortez rolls his eyes. “Seriously, Lieutenant, I’m not a damsel who can’t take care of himself.”  
  
“Never said you were,” Vega counters with a click of his tongue over the roof of his mouth, “but I care about you and I don’t want any more to happen to you than what already has. Deal?”  
  
Steve sighs and leans forward, giving James a quick, chaste kiss. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Mister Vega. Now let’s go get me into my proper Alliance uniform.”  
  
Jame’s grin returns. “Careful now. I might just be tempted to start up again while I watch you get dressed.”  


* * *

  
  
Garrus prides himself on not being a human-hater but even he has to admit that Earth’s architecture seems pretty damn boring. Even those few buildings and structures that look even a little imaginative manage to have the same old layout to them.  Honestly, it makes the Turian think that everything in London was designed by the same damn person. He knows that’s impossible considering how old some places seem to be. It could be from the same family, though.  
  
Whoever these people are, Garrus has the strong urge to pat them on the shoulder just for trying.  
  
Still, predictability works in his favor this time around. From his perch on top of some tower that he didn’t care enough to find out the name of, he has a good clean shot at most of the Batarians that are swarming the place. Unfortunately, the one he _really_ needs to get in his sights is the only one he doesn’t have access to. There’s another sniper that he can just barely manage to make out the foot of from where he’s lying down off on another tower. He’d move to try and get the guy since he’s sure he’s the only real threat to the two Spectres inside the building but that has the risk of alerting everyone to his position. With backup still on the way, that’s not the wisest of decisions. Keeping his head down and watching movement through the scope of his rifle isn’t exactly how he planned on spending the day when he woke up this morning but with two friends in danger, there really isn’t anything else he’d rather be doing than saving Shepard’s ass again.  
  
Things start to get a little hairy when he sees some of the Batarians moving into position for what Vakarian guesses is another attack. From his position, he can’t see Kaidan or John any better than any of them can but it’s safe to assume that neither of them is dead. The ones who wanted them dead wouldn’t be throwing in more grenades if they were, after all.  
  
He could feel that something was different, though. The ones with the grenades in hand seemed to be waiting for some kind of signal. Are they trying something new tactically? Garrus’ mandibles flare as he sighs. He knows he’s going to have to stop them and that he’s going to blow his own cover doing it. Then he’ll be up on his perch, taking out guys who want nothing more than to get to his defensible position.  
  
It’s gonna be Omega all over again. Wonderful.  
  
Garrus lines up his shot on one of the men who’s holding a grenade but gets distracted when he hears movement. He turns around just in time to see the door open to the balcony he’s on top of. The Batarian doesn’t get time to pull out his weapon or call out for help before the proximity mine that the Turian put down detonates and the poor bastard goes tumbling back down the stairs. Garrus just chuckles and puts down another and arms it for the next idiot who doesn’t watch where he steps.  
  
By the time he turns back around he hears it. The explosion of grenades, is followed by a shot from that damn sniper he can hardly see and the unforgettable sound of Shepard yelling out Kaidan’s name. That sinking feeling passes through him that he hates. It’s the same one he felt when the Reapers attacked Palaven. It makes him feel like he’s too late- like he’s managed to be useless, even with all the information he had at his fingertips.  
  
He aims for the damn foot of that damn sniper and shoots him.  
  
There’s a wail of pain that Garrus wishes was a whole lot louder and the sounds of gunfire from down below. He notices that almost none of it is coming his way. It’s enough to make him peek out.  
  
It’s the backup. Finally. He can see Wrex plowing his way through a crowd, making his way to the building where Kaidan and John are. Jack and Grunt aren’t far behind him, covering his ass and kicking a few along the way.   
  
“Not a bad shot, Vakarian.” Garrus turns around, not bothering to grab for his assault rifle right away since he knows that accent anywhere. “It’s just too bad you didn’t shoot the goddamn bastard right between the eyes.”  
  
“Good to see you, too, Zaeed.” Garrus says as he grabs his sniper rifle, pressing the switch to make it compact as he put it on his own back. “Gonna need you to give me some cover fire so I can get over to Shepard.”  
  
“Cleared the way down myself.” Masani says with a smirk on his voice. “Feels good to bust open a few Batarian skulls again. Just get yourself over there, I’ll make sure none of them lay a hand on your scarred li’l head.”  
  
Garrus would take the time to laugh at that comment- maybe even send one back about how the mercenary’s face isn’t exactly going to be inspiring any masterpieces any time soon either-  but he’s got more important things to deal with.   
  
Down the stairs and out the tower, Garrus makes good time as he sprints across the field, following the path that the Krogans and biotic woman have conveniently made. Since they’re taking their time to take down everyone in their paths and a few that aren’t, Garrus has no problem passing them and slipping into the big hole in the wall that just screams “Shepard was improvising and therefore something had to be blown up.”  
  
By the time he sees them- John cradling Kaidan’s motionless body on the floor- Vakarian hears the sounds of the shuttles arriving and dropping off the reinforcements. Garrus sighs and makes his way over to Shepard and Alenko, wishing he’d just gone with his original gut instinct earlier. He leaves the beating himself up over it for another time as he crouches down and asks, “Shepard, is he-”  
  
“He’s alive.” John cuts him off, not bothering to look up or move them from the pool of blood that looks like it’s getting tacky. “His vitals are weak but he’s alive. I used every bit of medi-gel I’ve got and treated the wound as best as I can with everything else I have but...” the Spectre shakes his head and speaks even more softly, “If we don’t get out of here now and get him treated, he’s not gonna make it, Garrus.”  
  
“Well that’s just unacceptable.” Garrus connects with EDI, knowing that she and her team are probably already en route to them. “EDI, it’s Vakarian. I’m with Kaidan and John. Alenko needs to get to Chakwas and the nearest hospital ASAP. Shepard and I are gonna bring him out but we’re going to need you and your team to shield and escort us to a shuttle and get him out.”  
  
“Affirmative, Garrus. Start making your way to us and we’ll advance towards your current position.”  
  
“Garrus?”  
  
The Turian doesn’t waste any more time. He leans down and helps Shepard put Kaidan into a fireman carry. He gives his old friend a pat on the back and starts guiding them towards the exit. “Come on, let’s do this.”  
  
“Garrus...”  
  
“We’ll talk later. Right now we need to get to the group and he shuttle.” Garrus looks over and nods to assure him. “There’s no Shepard without Vakarian but we both know that there’s no John without Kaidan so let’s make sure he lives.”  
  
They don’t talk from that point forward. Both of them far too focused on moving forward and not getting shot in the process. The latter doesn’t seem to be an issue at all since the Batarians seem to be on the defensive now and focusing on those that are attacking them primarily. It’s another two minutes of trudging forward before they’re intercepted by EDI and her team. By the five minute mark, John and Kaidan are in the shuttle.   
  
The engines start to roar and Shepard looks away from the biotic just long enough to give a smile and a nod to the Turian. “Thanks Garrus.”  
  
Garrus tips the gun that he’s in the process of arming towards him. “You can thank me when he’s stable and we have this situation under control, Shepard. I’ll see you soon. I’ll see both of you soon.”  
  
The shuttle doors start to close but not before John manages to get out, “Remember to do the Turian version of ducking! Don’t want to lose anyone today.”  
  
Vakarian watches the Kodiak take off and disappear into the distance before turning around and shooting off a proximity mine right at the feet of two unsuspecting Batarians. The hard part is over so now he can actually take his time and have some fun with his revenge.  
  



	8. Epilogue

**_Footprints, that perhaps another,_**  
 ** _Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,_**  
 ** _A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,_**  
 ** _Seeing, shall take heart again._**  
  
“That is quite a large piece of information to swallow, Commander.”  
  
John sighs, more than a little irritated with the group of people in front of him. Both the Alliance Disciplinary Hearing Board and Citadel Council are sitting at two tables in front of him. Even after all this time, he can’t seem to get anyone to believe a single damn word he says.  
  
“Hard to swallow or not, it’s the truth.” Shepard says, trying his best not to snap at the Asari Councilor, Tevos. “The last of the Batarian Hegemony was- and might still be planning on wiping out as much Humanity as it could quietly. I’m not sure if it’s purely revenge or if they feel we owe them for the large losses their people have taken and want to take Earth as their own, but either way, it’s true.”  
  
“We’ve all taken big hits to our populations, Commander, but all of us, save the Quarians, are still here in the Sol system.” It’s Admiral Hackett who speaks up this time. “It doesn’t make any sense for Ka’hairal Balak and what’s left of the Hegemony to try something like this when the force that took down the Reapers could stop them without even a fraction of the effort.”  
  
“It’s that confidence in our abilities that I think they were betting on, Admiral.” John can’t help the heated tone of his voice as he retorts, “We’re so busy celebrating and recovering that we didn’t even notice what was happening right behind our backs. If you don’t believe me, look at the strange post-war death rate in the New Mexico area of the UNAS. That area was hit hard and so there’s only a small settlement of humans working on recovering. The nearest group to settle by is a gang of Batarian mercs. With everything that I’ve already reported and the battle at the Tower of London, how can’t you see what I’m telling you?”  
  
“No one is saying that none of this happened, Shepard.” It’s Hackett this time who has an edge to his voice, warning the Commander to not step out of line. The line that John figures he’s stepped over almost a hundred times already to save the galaxy and people are still riding him about it. “I’m saying we need more proof that this is the whole Hegemony and not just a band of bitter mercenaries working together for this twisted cause of theirs.”  
  
Shepard takes a step forward and grips the edge of the table, making sure to give strong eye contact with everyone sitting on the opposite side of it as he speaks. “Balak confronted me back on the Citadel when I caught him using old Batarian embassy codes to do things like shut down life support for badly wounded human soldiers and giving wrong information to a ship that lead to a crash that killed even more human soldiers. He threatened to kill me and the rest of us for the sake of the people they’ve lost. I have no doubt in my mind that he is still out for blood- _human_ blood. He’s the highest ranking officer alive for the Batarian Hegemony. He has the pull for this type of attack. What else do you need from me here?”  
  
The half dozen humans and three Council members share glances and start to mumble quietly between each other. The urge to fire off a gun to get all their attention starts to rise deep in John’s gut. “I’m not going through this again!” He finds that shouting works just as well as gunfire in this case, “I saved you all from the biggest threat in the galaxy- one that _none of you_ believed me about. Now, I tell you that something else is happening and that more people are dying by the hands of a source we can actually handle _easily_ and you’re still so ready to sit back and discuss something that doesn’t need to be discussed! You’d rather have me here and try to find something to charge me on for going ‘AWOL’ to uncover all this than deal with something that’s actually important!”  
  
Shepard pivots on his heels and starts to storm out of the room.  
  
“Commander Shepard, where do you think you’re going?”  
  
John stops in his place and looks over his shoulder at the Tevos. “I’m going to go check on the man who almost died four days ago. General Kaidan Alenko actually deserves my time since he wanted to help me with what I’ve just presented you with and took a bullet for his trouble. If you decide to strip me of my titles and court-martial me, that’s where I’ll be. If you do, I won’t be able to turn in my uniform since I lost all of those when I almost died in the Reaper War, saving all of your asses.”  
  
With nothing else to say, he pushes open the double doors and marches out of the room, heading towards the building’s stairwell. He has enough anger radiating off of him that everyone in front of him quickly gets out of his path. He wasn’t even two floors up before he’s signalling for Joker to pick him up.  
  
“You’re not gonna lose the Normandy ‘cause of this are you, Commander?”  
  
John sighs and shakes his head, even though Joker can’t see him. “There’s no Normandy for me to lose. It’s Kaidan’s mobile command center, not mine. I’m not even the executive officer. If Kaidan wants me on board, they can’t stop me any more than they could stop me from having Legion on board while we were dealing with the Rannoch situation.”  
  
“Good point.” Shepard can practically feel the hesitation as the flight lieutenant prepares to ask his next question. “Does _Kaidan_ want you on board?”  
  
“I don’t know, Joker.” John states tersely, “I guess, once I finish climbing these damn steps and you pick me up, we’ll find out together.”  
  
“Roger that. ETA is two minutes; I’ll see you soon, Commander.”  
  
Shepard slows down now that he knows he has some time to spare. Not that it really matters. Taking his time or waiting up top, his thoughts are going to be on the same thing. He’s sacrificed so much over the last three and a half years. When he was on that cot next to Cortez, listening to them diagnose him and talk about the rumors of the Normandy being destroyed and its crew gone, he was done. He’d officially lost everything to the war as far as he was concerned. He was practically praying that his face would be disfigured enough that no one could recognize him because he was ready to disappear off the face of the galaxy for the rest of his life.  
  
Then, when he was up on his feet, almost fully healed and still the same Commander Shepard and in record time thanks to the curse of implants given to him by Cerberus’ Lazarus project, he thought his best bet was to find a way off planet and never return. That all changed when he’d overheard two Batarian mercenaries talking about the plans they had for the clinic he’d been staying around to help out and keep an eye on Steve’s progress. John had managed to corner one of them and aggressively interrogate him until he found out their bigger plan. Stopping them would be his final mission, hoping that he’d take them down in one big standoff that no one would walk away from... not even him.  
  
Things got complicated along the way. He found out the Normandy was in one piece and heading home. He, despite his best efforts to avoid just that, ran into Kaidan. Even after trying so hard to sell his story and keep Alenko off his trail, he knew he’d failed from that last look the other man gave him as they went their separate ways that day. He needed to work fast and nip the whole situation in the bud before anyone else got involved and managed to get hurt in the process.  
  
He failed at that too, obviously. Moving faster meant being a little reckless. If Kaidan hadn’t shown up, Shepard would’ve been taken by surprise and incredibly out gunned. Still, even dying alone in the ruins of a decimated monument would’ve been better than what had happened. Kaidan might be alive and finally conscious again but that doesn’t make how the whole thing went down okay. No matter if Kaidan did or not, John would never forgive himself for letting him get shot.  
  
Shepard reaches the roof of the building to find the Normandy waiting for him with the shuttle bay doors open in welcome. He makes a small dash and hops inside with little actual effort. He hears the large door closing behind him but doesn’t look away from his destination of the elevator as he reaches it quickly, gets in and takes it up to the Crew Deck.  
  
There, he sees more familiar faces than he’d been expecting. It makes sense that a lot of the crew would still be on board since the accommodations of the frigate are still better than what could be found in most places on Earth. He gives his best smile and nods at the many soldiers that stop what they’re doing when they see him and salute, giving their respects to their former commanding officer.  
  
He knocks lightly on the life support room before triggering it to open. As the metal plates hiss and whir, moving out of the way, he takes a quick breath. He’s sure this isn’t going to be easy.  
  
As he steps in, he hears a quiet, gravelly voice, “Shepard?”  
  
“Yeah, it’s me Kaidan.” John keeps his voice soft and somewhat quiet as he reaches the man, covered in white sheet from his chest down with wide bandages wrapped all around him from below his collarbone to the middle of his abdomen. He's trying to not think too hard about the last time he saw him like this. “I’m guessing EDI told you I was coming.”  
  
“Yeah, she did.” Kaidan tries to sit up a bit and winces. John mirrors the action sympathetically. “I’m surprised that this is the first I’m seeing of you.”  
  
“The Alliance and Council have had me tied up in meetings, debriefings and hearings for what feels like forever now.” Shepard leans on the counter next to Kaidan so that the injured man doesn’t need to put much effort into seeing him. “I also thought I’d give you some space.”  
  
Kaidan huffs... or possibly scoffs. It’s hard to tell. “John, I’ve had practically nothing but space from you for the better part of three weeks, since the war ended. What I’ve wanted was to have you sit down with me and talk like we used to all the time.”  
  
“I just wasn’t sure...”  
  
“Sure that I wasn’t still incredibly pissed off about all the shit you’ve pulled?” This time John’s definitely sure that the noise Kaidan makes is a scoff. “Don’t be ridiculous. I mean, yeah, I’m pissed off- _incredibly_ pissed off. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m extremely happy that you’re alive. I’d rather deal with all of this than have you be dead.”  
  
“Alright, I’ll ask it,” John sighs and runs one hand over the back of his neck, “Are we going to be able to get passed this? Is it possible to move forward and leave this behind us?”  
  
“Shepard...” Kaidan pauses for a moment. John guesses he’s trying to figure out how to put his feelings into words. He can feel the anxiety starting to build in his own chest. “You lied to me, straight to my face. It was for a good cause but it was a cause that almost led to me losing you again. Permanently. I love you so much... but with everything I’ve been through- with everything we’ve _both_ been through lately. I don’t know. I think we will but I think it’s gonna take some time.”  
  
John pushes off the counter and moves closer to Kaidan, deciding he’s going to take a small risk. He grabs the injured man’s hand, turns it over and presses his lips right over the knuckles. “Whatever you need, Kaidan. With the Reapers gone, I’ve got nothing but time.”  
  
 ** _Let us, then, be up and doing,_**  
 ** _With a heart for any fate;_**  
 ** _Still achieving, still pursuing,_**  
 ** _Learn to labor and to wait._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me not in mournful numbers,  
> Life is but an empty dream!  
> For the soul is dead that slumbers,  
> And things are not what they seem.
> 
> Life is real! Life is earnest!  
> And the grave is not its goal;  
> Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,  
> Was not spoken of the soul.
> 
> Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,  
> Is our destined end or way;  
> But to act, that each tomorrow  
> Find us farther than today.
> 
> Art is long, and Time is fleeting,  
> And our hearts, though stout and brave,  
> Still, like muffled drums, are beating  
> Funeral marches to the grave.
> 
> In the world's broad field of battle,  
> In the bivouac of Life,  
> Be not like dumb, driven cattle!  
> Be a hero in the strife!
> 
> Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!  
> Let the dead Past bury its dead!  
> Act, - act in the living Present!  
> Heart within, and God o'erhead!
> 
> Lives of great men all remind us  
> We can make our lives sublime,  
> And, departing, leave behind us  
> Footprints on the sand of time;
> 
> Footprints, that perhaps another,  
> Sailing o'er life's solenm main,  
> A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,  
> Seeing, shall take heart again.
> 
> Let us then be up and doing,  
> With a heart for any fate;  
> Still achieving, still pursuing,  
> Learn to labor and to wait. 
> 
> Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


End file.
